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Old 12-28-2012, 07:52 AM   #27
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: S. Ontario
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Re: talk to me about going from 1 kid to 2

Congratulations! and

We were very fortunate that our kiddos all adapted nicely into our family, but number two was definitely the trickiest transition, on a purely convenience factor. With one baby you are so portable. You can go wherever and do whatever and you only have one kiddo to worry about naptimes and feeding. The logistics of two is harder, but not impossible.

In our circle of friends, DH and I have noted a phenomenon around the second child, and I have no idea if the theory holds water, but for what it's worth here it is: We found that parents who made a huge deal about number two's arrival to number one set the stage for drama. I am not talking about celebrating and enjoying the addition to the family or including the first child in all that joy. I am talking about excessive worry about the first child being put out, left out, feeling tromped by the new baby. We have a few families who went all out, and made this monstrous deal about coddling the first about how bereft he must be now that the baby is here, buying gifts (large gifts, not just token or sentimental items), etc.... And, to this day, those children are all victim mentalities. They all whine a lot, blame other kids for every problem, fight with their siblings excessively. First hand, my parents did this to my brother, and he and I never got along, and he is always the most hard done by person, in his opinion. Basically, I think the bigger deal you make out of possible negative reaction, the bigger the chance for creating drama, if that makes sense. I have not had nearly enough coffee yet (still on holidays), so I am probably not explaining it well enough.

So, I guess my advice would be to include your daughter in the excitement and joy, but to just live life. Don't worry excessively and deal with each moment as you see best.

Practical advice-- Baby carrier!! Stretchy wrap and an ergo or similar. Not just around the house, but a good carrier is a lifesaver when grocery shopping or walking with two. Recognize that it is ok for your first to watch a little TV or a movie while you tend to the baby. Let things slide in the early days if you need to, and just snuggle everyone. If friends want to do something helpful ask for freezer meals, so you can easily prepare food. There will be hard days, but they will pass quickly.

Mama, the BEST part is yet to come. Seeing siblings together is the most heart warming, amazing thing I have ever experienced. Those interactions are my most cherished memories. When your daughter speaks to and interacts with the newbie, you will wonder what you ever did without both of them.
Kat ~ Mum to G (11), D (9) and O (7)
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