01-06-2013, 07:04 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New Jersey
Re: If your DH/SO successfully took weight off, how did you help?
Holly, it was SO nice of your hubby to write this all out! Very helpful. Please thank him for me, and tell him congrats on his success!
Originally Posted by hbee
Hehe. I asked DH. Here's what he said.
"Holly asked me what she did that was helpful while I was losing weight. Because I am annoying and wordy, I spat out a bunch of rapid fire info. Then I sheepishly asked if maybe it'd be more useful if I just wrote it down. For context -- I weighed somewhere around 175 when Holly and I got married. Six years of later, Holly was still skinny, but i'd popped up to about 225. A weigh in experience at a doctor's visit shamed me into weight loss, and a year later I'm down to a pretty happy 160. Here's the best stuff Holly did to help me:
Be complimentary when he hits good milestones -- or just when you notice him looking good! We brush it off, but we like to hear it. There's little better for positive reinforcement than knowing your wife is into you. And that can totally include being frisky.
Be flexible with schedule stuff. For me, a big part of losing weight was carving out enough time to walk (and eventually run) an hour or two a day. Holly and I worked together to figure out a way to put a new hour into our schedule. It involved giving up some time/activity on my part -- but it also involved sacrifice from her. If your guy is carving time out to get in shape, try not to make him feel guilty for the time he has to take out.
As a companion to that -- make sure you are being super honest with him if the new schedule *isn't* working. No husband wants to suddenly realize he is letting his family down by being absent.
Take part if he asks you to -- but don't insert yourself too much in an effort to be overly supportive. If he wants you to run with him -- great! If he is embarrassed and would rather do it by himself -- that's okay too. You might think that doing it with him will be encouraging because he will have a partner to keep him accountable; but it might just be scaring him away from getting serious because he's embarrassed by you watching him while he is painfully out of shape. I know you might be thinking "but he's my husband, I see him out of shape doing more than just jogging." Doesn't matter. For some guys, they might love having a team-mate in their weight loss activities. Others might just want to quietly do it on their own.
The food thing is a challenge. Most guys can get their brains around working out, because it is a very guy sort of thing to do. It even has "work" right in the name! Dieting, however, is far less easy to mentally deal with. Don't try to force your idea of a good diet on him, but help him look around for a good plan that might work for him. And be knowledgeable about the one he picks. For me, I didn't do any "special" diet. I just cranked down the calories I was consuming, and stopped eating junk. Holly smartly supported it, and did a great job of helping me find good ways to lower my calorie count and plan things out.
Here's probably the trickiest part -- there's a tough line between being helpful and being frustrating when it comes to keeping him honest about what he eats, or how much he is working out, etc. Holly was amazing about gently reminding me if I was straying without being either aggressively pushy or combative about it. I imagine this line varies depending on the nature of the guy and the fundamentals of how the two of you personally interact.
Holly did all the above, and it was all super helpful for me. But, if I am being very honest, knowing she was finding the thinner me even more attractive than the ... well, less thin me ... was always the best. Maybe that's pure vanity, but it is true nonetheless. Best motivator in the world. "
The bolded part is what I've kind of wondered ... I don't want DH to think I'm not attracted to him ... but the truth is, I know I would be more attracted if he made an effort. I wouldn't come right out and say it but I'll be sure to make it known to him as he starts to see some results.
Rachel, Jersey Mama
to the Boogie, Peabody, and Bacon