Today is my brother's birthday.
And I can't say happy birthday. He's turning 18. I've seen him twice in the past 8 years. The last time was in 2006 when I graduated high school. I haven't spoken to him in just as long. I also have a sister who is 14 that I haven't seen since the same time. They live with my step mom.
For reasons I'd rather not say, I had to file a police report against my father who I'd rather just call Jim since he doesn't deserve the title of a parent. I filed it just before my hs graduation. At the time, my step mother sided with me and brought my siblings to graduation's commencement night where I was speaking. It was a big night for me and, in the midst of all the craziness that came with filing a police report against your own "dad", it really meant a lot to me that they were there. For a couple months after that we stayed in contact. I started college a couple states away. Things seemed okay.
Fast forward 2 years, I hadn't spoken to my step mother or seen her. She wouldn't answer my calls. The trial against Jim comes up and she does a complete 180 in her statement to the police. I still don't know why. I felt so betrayed. The prosecution pretty much discredited her testimony because of it, but the damage was done, if not in the trial, in my heart. It was pretty clear she'd made a choice and it was not in my favor. So, out of respect for her, I stepped back and stopped trying to contact my siblings. At the time, I was 20, they were only 13 and 9. I felt like she was their parent and she had made a decision. As much as I didn't like it, I needed to respect it, kwim? Also, the trial was extremely emotionally draining and I just needed time to step back and heal.
Every year on their birthdays I celebrate it on my own. I've never mentioned to my DH or the rest of my family how much it bothers me that I can't just call them and say happy birthday. My mom doesn't get it because she's too focused on her anger against my stepmom for siding with Jim. I have an older brother who I think silently resents me because he was also shut out by our stepmother. He doesn't blame me, but it still hurts him and I understand that. Every year on my younger brother and sister's birthdays, I feel angry at myself for coming forward. Every other day I know I did the right thing, but on their birthdays I regret it. Mostly because every other day I force myself not to think about it.
So my brother's turning 18 now and I'm trying to convince myself to reach out to him. I found him recently on facebook, but I haven't contacted him. Part of me feels like I'd be doing it for selfish reasons. I don't want to complicate his life. Part of me is just scared to be rejected. They don't tell you when you come forward to do the right thing how much more complicated your life can become.
Last edited by KLeeCW; 01-09-2013 at 11:01 PM.