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Old 01-13-2013, 10:31 PM   #46
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musicmom2x
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Re: Looking 4 Advice on Raising Young Kids from Abusive & Severely Neglectful Backgro

I hope I don't get flamed for what I am about to say and honestly I am not in your shoes so you can tell me I'm an idiot and go to he-double hockey stix if you want, but I think that if it were me I would try to sit down with a counselor of my own just to determine if I was going to be able to keep Ashlyn. I don't think anything you are dealing with is unexpected considering what the children have been through, but it doesn't seem to me like you have much of a support system in place and if I didn't at least have DH backing me up with both of them every single day I would have to consider what was best for everyone in the long run. You as far as your sanity and the guilt you will feel if you put her back in the system now vs. having to give up on it later, or worse blowing up at her because you took on too much and snap. (Not saying that YOU would but I sure might) Your bio-children as far as the negative effects her presence is having on them. Jon as far as him seeing her as a reminder of that life could hinder his progress, and of course Ashlyn as knowing that you are having difficulty bonding with her because kids always seem to know right?
I feel like I am playing devils advocate and its certainly not my foster child I would be sending back so I can only imagine how heart wrenching and guilt inducing the idea is but you have clearly thought about it. Perhaps some intensive counseling for you personally can help you come to the right decision.
I know it sounds as if I am suggesting giving up on her and I'm not really I am not, I am just suggesting that if you cannot decide if you are capable of taking care of her in addition to your other children (and of course yourself) then perhaps she would have a better opportunity elsewhere?
Ok I feel guilty just posting this, but I feel like you should know that its ok to consider these things. I certainly wouldn't judge you for considering them. If you decide that you can keep her and love her as your own then you truly will have to love her as your own so you need to know if you are able to do that or not. I certainly have love for children who are not my own, but to say that you will love them as one of your own is different. I hope I am making sense! Whatever you decide I sincerely wish you the best. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job and perhaps just need encouragement with all of these things you are dealing with.
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