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Old 01-16-2013, 09:51 PM   #191
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ajane
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Re: The spanking debate.

I appreciate everyone who has given me examples. But, I'm going to use Celeste's b/c it is pretty concise and similar to a situation we could have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celeste View Post
We spank. We do not spank out of anger...no whacks out of nowhere, that make a kid cringe anytime to come near. Our children are not in any way afraid of us. They are very affectionate with both dh and I.

At our house, it goes like this. <Cue spank worthy offense...let's say direct disobedience>
"Go to your room" (or the bathroom or guest room, somewhere private). At this point, they know they have done something wrong. How do they know? Because we don't spank for random annoying things they do or for accidents...we spank for direct disobedience, lying, and major disrespect/defiance.
Once I get to their room (which may be a few minutes, especially if I am upset...I give myself time to calm down and evaluate what punishment/consequence is appropriate), I ask them what they did to get sent to their room. If they can't tell me, and I really think they didn't hear me when I instructed them, I don't spank. When they can tell me exactly what they did wrong, I know that they understand. I might ask them what the Bible says (like " Children obey your parents").
I spank them.
After the spanking, we talk again about why what they did was wrong, they apologize, we hug and kiss and get on with our day.
I have noticed a much sweeter attitude in my kids after we deal with the bad behavior and move on, as opposed to ignoring a temper tantrum or giving warnings on end with no follow through in sight.

To answer a pp's question, I was 24 when my first was born, and will be 31 in April. My kids are 6,3, and 2 (never spanked). I have my bachelor's in elementary education. And dh has a master's. Not sure if the implication was that young uneducated people tend towards spanking, but I don't think that's the case.
What you described could be something similar that happens in our house, minus the spanking. I don't send the child away to "banish" them as I'm pretty sure you don't either. I do it to provide alone time for us to talk.

oh, and feel free to just ignore me, but I since I'm not in your shoes and don't know your children, I'm just curious if the point would still get across without spanking.
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