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Old 01-16-2013, 10:58 PM   #197
~happy2Bamommy~'s Avatar
Four things come not back: The spoken word; the sped arrow; the past life; and the neglected opportunity.
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Re: The spanking debate.

Originally Posted by jam's mum View Post
I believe that spanking can work in particular families and with particular people, especially if they're principled about it and have obviously thought a great deal about it (like the ladies here do and have).

My personal experience with spanking has led me to distrust it, and especially to distrust my ability to use it appropriately.

As a child I was spanked sometimes out of anger, and sometimes out of principle. I was spanked with the flat of my parents' hand, with a hairbrush and a wooden spoon, I was slapped across the face, and threatened with violence - "I will beat you black and blue", "I'll beat you til you bleed", etc. They never did beat us til we bruised or bled - but it was properly terrifying.

We were raised to be obedient first time as well. As a daughter, I think that was a mistake on my parents' part that backfired spectacularly, and as a parent, I don't want my daughter to have obedience be her first instinct. I want her to be scared of the things I'm scared of for her, not scared of me.

I catch myself getting angry with this tiny person for disobeying, and I catch myself wanting to punish her. And it frightens me.

I don't think my parents were abusive. But I don't want to emulate their parenting.
I know you said you don't think your parents were abusive but I really do think what you described is physical ( slapping you in the face) and mental/emotional (threatening bodily harm) abuse

Kids do disobey. (I actually think they should disobey!) but how we respond to them is up to us. I have a friend that discussed having the same type of fear you did. It is a very valid fear I think. I'll tell you what I told her, take a class or two (or three!) on parenting. They are often free and you really will come away feeling recharged and more in control of your own emotions/ reactions when a child disobeys. I'm sure you will do what is best for your child. Just realizing that you have a fear (done!) and taking steps to put those fears to rest will be a great thing for you. Your post on this site really convey that you are an excellent mama! (as best I can tell in cyberland anyway lol)

Last edited by ~happy2Bamommy~; 01-16-2013 at 11:04 PM.
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