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Old 01-19-2013, 11:16 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by pine_apple_goat
I'm glad this thread has branched out like it did. I hope others are able to get some help and support.

I didn't feel disconnected from DD. It was where I had to do everything I didn't want anyone else to help. If she was crying I had to take care of her. Breastfeeding didn't work out. I got sick right after I had her and I couldn't feed her while I was in the hospital on a cocktail of antibiotics. And by the time I was able to she refused no matter what I did. There was a lot of frustration and disappointment. I felt like an awful mother. There was more, but that's the jist of it. Oh and I had a terrible experience in the hospital.
Your story sounds very similar to mine. For me, I kept hemorrhaging after I had DS and was in and out of the hospital on different drug cocktails. All of these doctors and nurses were seeing me and everyone was telling me that they were affecting my supply (which completely plummeted after the first hemorrhage). I was on a bunch of hormones and drugs to make me stop bleeding and fix the source of the bleeding. And my OB kept trying to get me to take Reglan to increase milk production. Those drugs weren't my ideal choice but they were what was needed right then. I drew the line at Reglan. I really wanted to bf but really, I felt like this was my body's way of saying that it just couldn't do it, even though it was doing it in the beginning very well. I wasn't willing to add any more physical stress to my body and felt like I was at my wit's end. I feel like the hemorrhaging and bf were my two biggest triggers. I honestly think bf is best but I get really sick of seeing women guilting other women if it isn't working. I really hope mamas who had an easy go of things can learn to lay off others as they don't know what some mamas go through. I hope and pray this delivery will be better. I will be trying to bf again but am determined to quit if I just can't handle it. Also, my OB and I are discussing doing a c-section this time due to my past uterine surgery and bleeding issues. I'm hopeful for a much calmer postpartum with this one which I think should make things easier. My anxiety level is already through the roof, though, as it was such a scary time on many fronts.

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