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Old 01-20-2013, 02:03 PM   #16
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 19,517
Re: controling attitude and anger?

Originally Posted by GreyMum View Post
Have you considered going to your daughter when she is looking for you and crying under the bathroom doorway instead of trying to hide from her? Maybe she just wants her mother?

Honestly, you are already seeing your behavior repeated in your oldest. This is what happens. You are teaching them every day. You are creating the adults that they will be.

What does your husband think about the way you treat your daughter? Is he ok with it?

I think the best way to deal with this is to get therapy for yourself. I don't think YOUR behavior as you describe it here is healthy, which you seem to acknowledge. I don't think this is the type of thing that you can just correct with some tips.

Maybe you can send her to pre-school? Get a nanny for while you are working?

Gee...i never thought of comforting her! Of course I try to comfort her! I hug her, talk to her, ask her whats wrong, try to offer solutions and suggestions, explain why she cant do XY & Z. But it doesn't work. She doesn't respond. She escalates, and she escalates some more until all I can do is hide. Its that or scream at the top of my lungs, which IMO, is worse.

Obviously I'm aware that I am creating the adults they will become, and no I do not want them to act the way I do with her. Which is why I am trying (and have been trying) to correct the behavior. I always apologize and explain what mommy did wrong (which I know is damage control at the best, but its better than not owning up to it).

My husband acknowledges that its not the best parenting, but also acknowledges that there isn't much alternative. She doesn't allow for much alternative. There is no getting down on her level, reasoning with her, ignoring bad behavior, or correcting it easily with timeouts or redirection. Ive tried. ALOT. Every day I try to redirect, time out, or generally gently correct her behavior. Every day for the last 2 years (she is 3 and it didn't become much of an issue until she was over 1, but even as a tiny baby she was demanding and relentless). She didnt sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time until she was almost 1..then she went to 2.5-3 hour lengths which she is currently still at). There were many nights each week where I walked back and forth in front of my bed for HOURS at at time with her in my mei tei and many more where I slept sitting completely upright with her in my mei tie because that was the only way I could get ANY sleep...this occurred until she was around 18 months and finally would sleep regularly in a crib.

She is in preschool. Started in September, 3 days per week for half days. Those are my favorite moments of the week.

Therapy is an option I have looked into.
Jen -momma to MaryKate 12/13/07, Kara 7/22/09, Adalane "Laney" 2/9/11, ^angel^ 10/13, & Jacob 8/21/14

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