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Old 01-24-2013, 02:58 PM   #1
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Formerly: kr***y
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Vent/Rant No, it's not twins. Yes I am sure. Thanks for playing.

(this is meant to be funny AND serious )

I want to wear a shirt that says:

I am pregnant and I am carrying mace. Please think before you speak.

Seriously, on what planet is it ever okay to tell a pregnant lady she's huge? EVER? The word "huge" should NEVER come out of your mouth when you are speaking to a pregnant lady. Ever. I don't care if you literally see the Kool-Aid man running full speed towards you. It's just never okay. Ever.

HUGE is not a pretty word. It doesn't evoke thoughts of dainty, lady-like, attractive people. It doesn't make me think of a calm beach or a peaceful river. It doesn't make me think of the beautiful baby I am working hard to grow, or the yummy newborn I'll soon be holding. It doesn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin....

"HUGE" makes me think of Godzilla smashing buildings and eating New Yorkers. HUGE makes me think of the Nutty Professor eating dinner with his family. HUGE makes me think of Mimi Bobeck off the Drew Carey Show. HUGE conjures up images of Homer Simpson drunk off doughnuts passed out on the console board at the nuclear plant.... drooling....

What would possess a person to EVER use that word to describe a very pregnant woman? Who is already hormonal? Who already has trouble smashing her growing waist like a sausage into the maternity pants that seem to be shrinking everytime she washes them? The preggo lady who has never been overweight her whole life and suddenly has rolls on her back? Why? Why would you select the word "HUGE" to describe her? Is there a lack of adjectives? Do you suffer from a limited vocabulary in addition to your apparent lack of common sense?

Somehow, though, the ghastly offense of calling a very pregnant lady "huge" just pales in comparison to asking her if she is "ABSOLUTELY SURE" she is not having twins.

Really? You honestly think I made it to 33 weeks pregnant, having already birthed 3 other kids, and NOT realized I am carrying twins? Honestly?

It's as if people are expecting THIS response:

"Are you SURE it isn't twins?" ...... Hmmmm *gasp* *look of horror* "OH MY GOSH! YES! YES IT IS! THAT must be why I am so gigantic! THANK YOU! I couldn't figure it out!"

No, people. NO I am not having twins. YES I am COMPLETELY sure. Apparently I'm just larger than life. Don't worry, I won't eat you. I'm not craving idiot.

I'm pregnant. I have hips. I have a big ole booty. I'm spreading wider by the second. And now, I have a big round belly. If you can't avoid commenting on my weight, please turn around, and walk the other direction.

(BTW, I've only gained about 30 lbs, and this entire post is meant to be funny AND serious. And yes, these are real conversations that I have had more than a handful of times with people. Don't get too worked up over it, I was having fun. Sometimes we don't think before we speak, do we? I am so guilty of this, and hope I forever remember not to comment on a pregnant lady's weight. )

Last edited by Kiliki; 01-24-2013 at 07:11 PM.
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