Join Date: May 2006
I need help, bonding with children that are no babies
we are guardians of two children due to a family death. Although we are only guardians, nobody will ever come knocking on our door to take these children from us, so I consider it more of an adoption, we just can't afford the legal process to fight their non exsistant father, but courts say we must get his permission. Anyways, I'm going to try to keep this short, but really its soo long and I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't know who to turn to, I'm at the point of wondering if I can see a family therapist or something...
I have three kids of my own, 9 girl, 7 boy, and 4 girl. The other two kids are 6 boy and 4 girl. They have been living with us for two years now. I thought things would be better. I don't want it to seem like I only have bad things to say, I have good things to say too, I'm just trying to keep this short, but the biggest issue is I do not know how to bond to these children. From day 1 I've said they were MY kids, we call all the kids brothers and sisters, etc they call me mommy, etc, but the bond just isn't there. I know they came from a bad situation. Neither child has ever asked or showed one bit of interest in where they real mother went. They came to stay with us when she went into the hospital and by the next day were already calling us mommy and daddy, but the bond isn't there. I honestly don't think either one of them care if we are here or not. They have the same attatchment to strangers as they do to us. I've found the girl sitting on strangers laps at birthday parties and both kids have tried to leave with other people like its no big deal at all! They have odd manerisms (if thats a word) They are so different then any child I've ever dealt with, I will not give them up, but I don't know what to do about the bonding. Both kids have some behavior issues, food hoarding, and things I just dont understand, but how do you bond with a child that isn't yours? I feel like they DESERVE to be loved. I fake it, I hug and kiss them, I say I love you, I try to keep things as equal and even as possible, is there a book? a specialist? Would a family therapist be able to help? I just feel so alone. None of my friends have over 3 kids so they don't even understand the stresses of 5 kids, let alone 2 of them being someone elses and having a host of their own issues....I just don't know where to turn anymore. I have a positive attitude about it, I don't let anyone else know I'm really struggling with this, Im a good faker, but Im tired of faking it. Sorry this got so long...and I'm still leaving out so much
Three by birth and two by love
~Mommy to A (10), D (7), W (6), A (4), L (4)