01-28-2013, 05:49 AM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC suburb
Re: I need help, bonding with children that are no babies
OMG this was my brother to a T. I understand your wanting to simplify the story a bit!
Originally Posted by L2S2C
My sister spent her life on drugs, and was a hardcore alcoholic when she passed. I know these kids went without food more then once, I know they were neglected and left alone, but to what extent, I will never really know.
Basically my brother was born to a drug addicted mother who was quite clearly malnourished during pregnancy (and probably using). He spent his first several years in a horrible neglectful orphanage setting. He was nutritionally and emotionally starved, basically.
Because of some funny business with his age (int'l adoption) my parents had a battery of tests run when he was 3-4. One of them was some kind of brain scan (they were trying to determine how old he really was) and it basically showed whole areas of the brain that literally are. not. there. Like they never got the nutrition or stimulation they needed to grow and develop. Some of these were emotional centers so he struggles with the same attachment issues your kids are facing, too. I know it must be so hard but please, please, please get everyone some counseling asap. And perhaps start looking at the physical/medical side of things too - no magic bullets but at least it might "explain" where some issues are coming from kwim?
Also, I beg you, involve your (bio) kids in the therapy, and perhaps have some sessions with just you/dh and them. It's not their "fault" they are well adjusted - and I'm not saying that you are playing that - but they are ME 25 years ago and I know from experience it's so easy to feel left out and "hey, I am normal so I don't count, gee thanks mom." I know you are trying to do the best for these kids but please don't lose sight of everyone.
'ing with DH since 05/05
DD 01/11 and two long doggies