Join Date: Oct 2009
Re: What happened to my kid? Vent
I really do appreciate the kindness behind this...but I have to admit I giggled a little as I read this . DD's not even in any activities yet (planning to try dance when she turns 3), but our schedule is pretty well set in stone during the week, & we keep the same wake, meal, & bedtimes on the weekends. She has a really predictable bedtime routine. And you're right; she is overtired. She will complain during the day & evening about being tired, but then say she's not ready for bet, not tired, etc. I've gotten to the point where I remind her that I understand that, but it's quiet time now & you need to stay quietly in your room even if you're not sleeping.
Originally Posted by ajane
Oh, man mama...you and DP are going through a lot with her. I know I don't know her, but I can't imagine she is doing it out of "meanness" or wanting to not behave. And, I agree with you that I don't think she needs punishment, but maybe you can sit down and talk to her? What about get her a special treat, like an ice cream so she has to sit for a while. I know she is only 3, but I'm pretty sure she will understand when you talk to her. Try to find out what is going on from her view. Ask her to help you b/c you don't know what she is thinking/feeling and you would like to know. Try to find out the reason behind the actions. Little ones still have emotions/feelings just like us, but don't know or understand how to express it. Heck, some adults even have trouble with that. I think helping her to express her feelings will help. Finding a mutually acceptable way could be tricky.
As for the food, try to set limits. Depending on what time she gets come from DCP either let her have a snack and then dinner at set time and that is it. Or dinner then a snack a little later and then that is it. Let her know a few days beforehand that when she gets home from DCP she gets a quick snack and then will have dinner and then no more meals until the next day. Keep reminding her every day and even on the way home.
As for sleeping, she is probably overtired which stimulates her even more. What about trying a bedtime routine and letting her know in advance and then keep reminding her that it is p'j's, brush teeth, 2 books, snuggles, and then bed. Before you start the routine have her get her last drink, go potty, make sure everything is where she wants it to be in her room before going to bed.
Anyhow, those are a few ideas.........hopefully something will work out for you, DP, and her.
We have TONS of conversations with her, TONS of "help me understand..." things. I've been doing more cuddles while "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now..." kinds of things. Even at 3, she has an amazing ability to change the subject. "Honey, can you help me understand? You were using the potty last week, but you're having a hard time this week. I just want to make sure you're feeling okay and that there's nothing wrong...it didn't look like you liked having wet pants...can you tell me what was going on?" To which she responds, "Mxxxxx has glow shoes. Her glow shoes are black. My glow shoes are white. Do you think Mxxxxx's baby sister has glow shoes? Why do I have glow shoes? Is it b/c my mamas love me?" And magically we're at, "Yes, babe, we love you. Can you talk to me about using the potty?" "No. I don't WANT to talk about the potty! I'm gonna peepee in my pants." Well okay, that went well Glad my graduate degree in counseling is being put to work
And yeah, I know she's not starving (obviously). DP is more of a grazer & it appears DD is, too--I'm just astounded at how very much she can eat I haven't set the rule ahead, like you suggested (though I think we'll try that), but even if I tell her, say, that she's not getting a snack b/c she didn't eat her broccoli, she'll still throw a fit when she asks & I tell her she can finish her broccoli if she's hungry. She will try to pull fruit off the counters, snack foods off the shelf (which she needs a stool for). I caught her trying to eat butter. We've been trying to talk to her about eating until you're not hungry, but not always needing to feel "full" (i.e. stuffed) & that's had some moderate success. It's a struggle more recently, since starting the DC center (though they get reasonable foods there), but it was better when DD was w/ her original sitter, where she would eat a big breakfast & then less & less for every meal or snack for the rest of the day...now she just does all her eating from 4-7pm. Though, notably, the weekends are different. She power loads in the morning (from about 7-10am) & eats a [more] reasonable lunch, snack, and dinner.
ETA: I definitely don't think there's meanness or malice behind this. DP's family complains quite a lot about her behavior (they only see her a few times a year) & I've been saying that the things that make me crazy at two or three (the stubbornness, the outspokenness, the propensity to do her own thing & not follow) are going to be the things I'm proudest of at 22 or 23. I just have to hope we both survive until then! It's clearly just an unholy conglomeration of personality and developmental tasks colliding.
Last edited by carriek38; 01-28-2013 at 02:32 PM.