We are at the same place with a... Very spirited, shall we say, DD. i have been trying to use some of the Happiest Toddler ideas and I juuuust started reading Love and Logic. As in I am still on the first chapter. But the idea of giving her choices has actually really started to work the past couple days.
Like instead of "will you help me pick up these toys" i pulled the "will you pick up the cars or should mommy?" She said, mommy! And I picked ip the cars and put them on a shelf she cant reach (dh will probably pay fir that all day tomorrow). When i asked her if she or daddy should clean ip her kitchen she RAN to the bins and started putting food away.
Bedtime now or in five minutes?
Change dipey here or over there? She fights changes but if i give her the choice of location and diaper color she's much calmer
More milk now, or juice after you eat your cucumbers?
These have all worked nicely... Not always picking the "right" answer lol but shes not throwing a fit anyways. Today... Tomorrow she will be a hellion simply bc ive tapped all this out. We are by no means perfect but i hate getting upset :-(