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Old 02-07-2013, 10:35 PM   #332
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IsabelsMama
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Eagan, MN
Posts: 344
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin_c_odonnell
Isabelsmama- first off for your loss.

For us we would probably 1. Not Dtd for 2-3 months. I've had a c-s (bikini cut not classic) and hmmm no. Very painful. Took 6 months to even enjoy Dtd. So for a time we would do other things to keep both of us satisfied and intimate. Also in cases of long-term health issues (cancer, etc) obviously I would hope the husband cared enough to sacrifice his own desires for his wife and be satisified with her by other means. 2. I don't have issues with charting personally. I know some do but I think knowing your fertility signs is not a bad thing. I've never officially charted but I do know when I'm ovulating based on cm and timing (but I'm regular and some aren't).
In the end, I trust God no matter. I believe He does know what's best for me and my family/children. While thinking of death, its scary but what is death compared to eternity? Do we ever have assurance against death? Any one of us can walk out the door today and die. The bible says God has each of our days numbered (psalm 139). He knows every day we will live and He made them.

I think you should have this time not only for you both to heal physically but emotionally. Losing a child is mind and soul numbing. It's a grief unlike any other. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
This was a helpful response (as was the PM from raisingcropsandbabies, thank you!) and I have charted ever since my 1 year wedding anniversary which is when I felt convicted to go off birth control. I don't feel it is sinful or taking control away from God by knowing my fertility signs. After all He will have us to get pregnant when He wants and will not when He doesn't, no matter how hard we try to chart or plan. My DH and I also have a very understanding marriage and low libido (sorry TMI) so long periods of abstinence are not uncommon for us including the one we are in now while we figure this out. But God's personal will for our family doesn't seem to include the traditional idea of "quiverful"...for example I don't feel called to stay home with my children (though I applaud and commend those who do because it is such an amazing thing!) We also got married when we were 24 (am just about to be 33 now) and have had the two premature births, one which ended in the baby's death, so I feel strongly right now that His will is for us to try again for one more child and when we hopefully have a healthy baby, we will have to pray hard about what His will is for the best, most Biblically sound way to prevent future pregnancies. Regarding death, I agree that eternity is better compared to life on Earth, especially because I have my dad and my daughter waiting there for me along with Jesus, but since pregnancy sooner than recommended could be life-threatening for me, I guess I see preventing pregnancy as something similar to a cancer patient choosing to undergo chemotherapy or radiation to try to kill the cancer and extend their life. So for a few months I may end up going back to something more reliable than charting...like a birth control pill. It makes me sad as do so many other aspects of this experience of losing Abbie (such as the necessary future c-section...I really enjoyed my vaginal births). But as with everything, I trust that He will work for the good in this situation. Take care mamas and bless all your little ones!
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BF'ing and pumping, CD'ing, babywearing, semi-crunchy, circ'ing, vax'ing, extended RF, non-cosleeping, married to DH for 8 yrs, WOHM (love my job but miss my kids during the day) mama to Isabel 12-24-07, Josiah 01-29-10 born at 32w, and missing my angel baby Abigaile Grace 11-26-12 born at 23w. My blog about our journey through this loss.
~1 Thess. 5:16-17~
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