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Old 02-15-2013, 01:11 AM   #29
BigSamsMom
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Re: Things people say where you live.....

Native Texan here and I keep all the yankee transplants at the O&G company I work at rolling with laughter. All these have rolled out of my mouth at one time or another:

Here in Texas we are not "about to", or "going to", we are always "Fixin'" to do something.
This is like trying to side saddle an oyster. (impossible task)
Useless as tits on a boar hog.
So ugly they had to tie a bone around his/her neck to get the dog to play with him/her.
The Ugly Fairy beat the ever-loving sh*t out of him/her with her wand.
Your alligator mouth is about to overload your hummingbird @ss
Cuter than a yard full of puppies
Nervous as a long-tailed cat on a porch full of rocking chairs
Confused as a baby in a topless bar
You make a bed like old people f*ck, slow and sloppy.
I haven't had this much fun since the hog ate my baby brother
This is more fun than stompin baby chickens
It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs
He's/She's not runnin' on all eight cylinders, if ya know what I mean?
He/She's two sandwiches short of a picnic
Hotter than Hades
She'd/He'd charge Hell with a bucket of ice water.
I ate so many armadillos growing up, I still roll up in a ball, every time I hear a dog bark (something you'd say when talking about growing up poor)
Come Hell or High Water
As serious as cancer
As serious as the business end of a .45
Livin high on the hog
Fair to Middlin' (mid grades of cotton, when asked how we are doing, this is the same as saying "not so bad")
I wouldn't trust him/her as far as I could throw him/her
I wouldn't p*ss on him/her if he/she were on fire (speaking of someone you really hate)
Colder than a witches tit in December
Don't hang your wash on someone else's line
You ain't learnin nothin, if your jaws are a flappin
Always drink upstream from the herd
Lord willing and the creek don't rise
You're gonna end up being late to your own funeral (something you say to someone who is moving too slow)
I'll beat you till you bleed (similar to I'll beat your butt)
Your butt and my hand are about to have a date (threatening a spanking)
Do it again, and I'll knock you silly (or into next week)
Baptists never greet each other in a liquor store
There's more than one way to skin a cat
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a herd of sheep
If you think you're a person of influence, try orderin somebody else's dog around
Lettin the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin it back in
When a buzzard sits on a fence starin at you, it's time to go to the doctor
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your wallet
A smart @ss just don't fit in the saddle
Don't worry about bitin off more than you can chew, your mouth is a whole lot bigger than you think
If you are riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop diggin'
When dealin with a slick SOB, start by pinnin him down and changin his oil
If you give a lesson in meanness to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up
Couldn't pour water out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.
Gully Washer (when speaking of heavy rain)
Happy as a pig in slop
Riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels (when speaking of luck)
Happy as a two peckered dog
Warm in winter, shady in summer (speaking of someone who is fat)
Don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my @ss (confused/overwhelmed)
A day late and a dollar short
Catch ya on the back side (see you later)

My Hubby's from Michigan, and his relatives can't end a sentence without saying "you know?" I always say "Well no, I don't know?" just to get a rise out of them. I think that kills me more than my colorful Texas speech cracks them up, half the time I have to explain the meaning of the phrases I use, as I always get plenty of confused looks with some of them, then delayed laughter.

Last edited by BigSamsMom; 02-15-2013 at 01:23 AM.
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