Re: Oh no! DD got caught STEALING!!!!
The idea of an "if then" chart or talk is GREAT! We had to implement that with my dd (almost 11 yo).
She was doing a lot of needless lying to me and my dh (her step-dad) so when talking with her bio dad he suggested that. So, I sat her down and said
"If I ask you a ? and you lie right away and I know or I find out later you will be grounded for 1-2 weeks with no TV, Friends etc.
If you lie but fess up right away you will be grounded for 3 days no TV/friends etc.
If you tell the truth about what you did no matter how bad it was you won't get grounded. We'll have a talk and I'll be stern and upset but no grounding. I may make you do extra chores or something but no major grounding."
My dd was TOTALLY sassy at ages 2-4. Not so much anymore as she knows who is the boss and what are proper ways to speak to ALL ADULTS including me even when she's mad at me. We do not allow that kind of disrespect here. LOL She is SO polite so it's hard for her to speak that way to me but she'd never DARE speak that way to anyone else.
She's gotten MUCH better. When we were going through all that lying I spent a lot of time "crabbing/yelling" at her, calling her dad, grounding her etc because it'd take forever for me to get the truth out of her or I'd find things out DAYS/Weeks later and be so mad it had gone that far. Now, she's more mature. So, yeah, definately an age thing.
Stealing is another thing. We've never dealt with that. I always made my dd think about how her actions affect others and how they might be feeling at the time (or how what she did made me feel).
If it were my dd I would say:
"how do you think that made your teacher feel when he realized his books were gone and that you had stolen them?
How do you think the other children in the room felt knowing that their favorite books were missing?
What do you think they will think about what you did? (don't make her feel like she is bad rather what she did was bad)
Don't you think they deserve to have them too?
Those books were puchased by your teacher or the school district with money that is very hard to come by. By you taking them you took money from the school district, the teacher and the children in your class and all future classes. The schools don't have the money to just go out and buy more."
Then I would follow up with "you need to face that person and apologize and then we need to come to an agreement on what you should have to do to pay them back" (even though she's returning them she should still have to do something, kwim?)
She needs to know that she cannot just take what she feels she deserves/wants. She needs to know that everything she does has an effect on someone, kwim? Getting her to think about other ppl's feelings will allow her to see what she does and how it affects others.
HTH and good luck. Just know this won't be forever.
Check out my other FSOT items, I've got diapers, yarn and fiber for sale!!