Re: My dd has 2 identities..
Just reading that made me so angry. If it were me personally, I think I would set up a meeting with the principal and discuss your concerns.
I would also have a heart to heart with DH about different schooling. No kiddo deserves to be that "lost" at school. She's obviously bright, perhaps she's bored. I remember my mom told me the school said I was not bright enough to start school, but the fact was that I was bored with the stuff they did.