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Old 06-19-2008, 07:45 AM   #2
LilyGrace
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,851
Re: Do your kids Earn things they want??

A few thoughts..kids this age don't have a grasp of money. I mean, they know what it is, they know that it trades for something they want, but they don't really understand the mechanics.
I kept a small notebook in my purse when the boys were small. If we saw something they really, really wanted, it went on the list right then. When it came time for birthdays or Christmas we'd take out the list, go over the items and cross off what he wasn't interested in any more.

I also found that talking about the item helped a bunch. Yeah, that is a really cool toy! It winds up and everything! Awesome! It just sort of reinforced their feelings - not that they needed the toy, but that they saw something that interested them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegyrl View Post
Hi!
The problem with giving things for good behavior is that every time we say, you were really a good boy!" DS asks - what do I get for it??
You hit the nail on the head right here. Alfie Kohn has a book called Punished By Rewards, if you're interested in reinforcing your belief in that theory. There's also an article online called The Power (and Peril) of Praise. It's mostly about school-aged children, but a good read.

We try to avoid the 'good boy/good girl' label. Focusing on the specific act does a lot more for the child in question - they get to own the pride/disappointment. The parent isn't telling them how to feel. They get to learn more vocabulary, and it builds communication. There's not much you can answer to "Good boy!", but if you say something specific, like "You were very patient standing in line" it opens the channel for the child to state how he felt or other opinions. "I didn't want to" "I'm glad we're all done!" or my favorite, "What's patience?"

As far as the "what do I get for it?" That's easy...."Satisfaction."
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