Re: I'm ashamed of myself (re: discipline..long)
OMGoodness, I used to have the most awesome book that you would benefit from!! It's called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. I just googled it, and apparently there is a huge product market, which I don't think you need, but I thought I'd describe it a little and then if you want, I could help you find just the book- maybe at the library? I just don't think you need all the junk that they're trying to sell. The book I had was from the 70s or 80s and was just fine.
So it's a lot about Diplomatic/ Authoritative (there are lots of names) Parenting and Natural and Logical Consequences. Natural and Logical Consequences are so easy. If you go outside without your coat, you'll get cold. That's really simplistic, but it really works. It's about allowing kiddos to make choices and learning from those choices. That part is probably just right for your older DS. It's about communication and allowing your kiddo to say what he feels about his behavior too.
Try googling "authoritative parenting", there were several websites that popped up. And feel free to PM me for more info- especially if I wasn't very clear!
Hopefully they'll have some good tips or ideas for you.
If you try this style out, remember you can make these changes with BOTH your guys, but it won't be easy at first. Kiddos test their limits, and if you change the limits, they're going to have to re-test from zero, KWIM?
I think that you would prolly like the info that you read about- just don't be discouraged thinking its going to be too hard, it's definitely worth finding out about!!
BTW- I am a preschool teacher and I have used this sort of system (the bits that work for me, I'm not advocating anyone's specific system) and it works with almost any kiddo!! The only trouble kiddo I've ever had was an emotionally damaged and possibly sexually abused guy.
Please PM me if you want, I would love to help you find resources. I think that if you're feeling upset about the way you're reacting to their behaviors, you will really like some of the info I can pass on.
P.S. Sorry if this got preachy, just from your post you sounded like you genuinely want help and I think I can offer help or resources....
Last edited by mihrimah; 05-14-2006 at 12:16 AM.