Re: I'm ashamed of myself (re: discipline..long)
OMGosh! I totally know what you're feeling. Our ds is 20 mo old and can be a handful at times.
I pretty much keep in the back of my mind that he doesn't always know or can't understand that what he's doing is kind of wrong (taking all the books off the bookshelf). First of all, it's curiousity that's making him do it and curiousity is a good thing. Second of all, is it such a "bad" thing? Maybe I'm too relaxed. But learning to put things back is a good skill to learn too. My ds is really into that lately.
Once ds started to show signs of knowing when he was wrong (and he now says "sorry" w/it) it's time for discipline. I did some Nanny 911 watching and decided that the "Naughty Step" was going to be our technique. It works WONDERFULLY!!!!!!! The first few times I had to keep putting him there. Now he'll sit there his whole min. (1 min for every yr in age) and let me come to him! It's hard to discuss w/him yet what he did wrong, so I make sure he says he's sorry and gives hugs and kisses when we're done. We mostly end up doing this when ds is really tired and starts to throw fits over things.
To be honest, I can't remember exactly when we had to do this last... maybe the week before last.
Here's an example: If ds takes a cd off the shelf, we'll say "that's not for Jack" and put it back. If he throws a fit which is most likely when he's tired, we'll say, "That's enough." If it continues, straight to the naughty step. After we let him off the step, he sings a whole different tune!
I know it's not the technique for everyone, but it's really worked wonders around here. Most of all, it keeps me cool. I have found that my temper could flare up and I could easily spank (I have spanked him but it only made my feelings hurt) so the naughty steps makes me feel like I'm in control.
It's great. You're not a bad parent!!!!!! We're all learning in life. You'll find what works best for you soon!