Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Re: I'm ashamed of myself (re: discipline..long)
If my dh hit my son hard enough to leave marks, they'd have to pry my fingernails out of his eyes - you have more self control that I do, FancifulFanny. I *do* agree that throwing a fit at that point in front of ds wouldn't have helped, but I don't think I could have stopped myself. However, I would say that if your dh hit hard enough to leave a mark visible several minutes later, that was probably a good bit over the line. I would suggest some sort of counseling, rather than just trying to work it out between you two, because someone could get hurt.
My parents spanked when I was young, among other fairly horrible sounding punishments (cayenne pepper poured into our mouth for lying, talking back, etc, for example). If I acted up in church, I used to get taken to a side room, where my dad would spank me until I stopped crying.
When my youngest brother was about 2 years old, and I was about 10, they decided that they were going to stop punishing us physically, after one particularly nasty episode with my baby brother who kept messing with the VCR and my dad who kept spanking him, harder, and harder, to make him stop. He was screaming and crying, but kept running back and pushing the buttons. My sister and brother hid behind the couch, and finally I, at 9 years old, went and grabbed him away from my dad and locked myself and him in the bathroom together. I got spanked later that night for disobeying, and I told my dad when he did it that I didn't care, I knew what I had done was right, and God would not like to see him spanking me (yes, I was an audacious little thing). That was the last time any one of us was spanked, or punished physically.
They actually sat us all down and told us that they weren't going to spank anymore, and laid out the new rules, with "Quiet Time" (timeouts), being sent to our rooms, loss of privledges, and loss of toys. Punishments were different for each of us. My sister HATED timeouts, one of my brothers would sleep through them, but couldn't stand not being allowed to go outside and play. The other brother, the worst thing you could do was take away his TV time. I was difficult to punish, I didn't mind timeouts, didn't care about TV, and didn't care too much about going outside - I liked to read, but I could sneak books way too easily. Luckily, I was older and didn't misbehave nearly as much as the younger ones, lol.
I think sitting your son down and telling him verbally (and making that commitment to him) will help you to stop - you won't just be doing something that you'd rather not do, you will be breaking a promise that you made to him. And he is probably old enough to remind you. After my parents committed to each other and to us to stop spanking, they *never* did it again. And, as you can see from my previous info, they spanked alot - way too much, IMO. It wasn't just their primary form of punishment, it was their only. And they went cold turkey. If my parents could do it, I know you can!
Andrea - Mama to Lexy (9/7/05) & Serenity (3/14/09)! My Feedback: DS EBay