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Old 10-24-2008, 08:23 PM   #5
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Re: Anyone follow Dr. John Rosemonds style of Parenting?

Originally Posted by mom23girls View Post
We do to a degree with our older children. We use love -n- logic which teaches that there are reactions to their actions and that they might not like the action. I can say though that with my 9 year old I can see (almost literally) sometimes the following conversation swimming around her head: "Let's see, if I do XX YY will happen. Is it worth it? YES! I can just suffer through it". That might sound like the punishment is too leinent but I don't consider taking away her DS (which she LOVES) for a couple of days leinent - it's just that, with her personality, it IS worth it. Scary but true.

Some of his parenting styles are a bit harsh but some we use. My 12 year old went through this slamming the door thing when she was 10/11 and she was mad. We told her at least 10 times, DO NOT slam that door while she was hiking herself up the stairs and guess what? She slammed the door. Punishments were of no use, restriction, taking away things, etc. Finally, we used a Rosemond which was: We told her that a door was a privilege NOT a right and that, the next time she slammed it we were taking off the hinges and she could earn it back. So the next time she slammed it - you guessed it - right up the stairs my dh went and took it down. It stayed down for a month or so. It's never been slammed again.

I think it depends on the child and the situation. Most parenting has to be a combination of styles - especially with each child.
To me taking a door off the hinges because of door slamming follows a more natural path than say removing all of a child's belongings because they back talked you. A natural consequence of slamming the door might be the door breaking and the child no longer having a door, or the child being hurt in the door. As a parent we want to protect our child from that extreme of an outcome so we give them a slightly lesser consequence. The door isn't permanently damaged, and they are protected from physical harm, but the see what happens if they don't care for their property. And so they can think through the process next time. Just as your dh knows that he can't slam a door in a fit of anger because he knows if he does it he will have to repair the damage he causes. Now maybe some day he would be angry enough to not care, we all can be overwhelmed sometimes, but he knows the consequences nature puts in place. As parents we have to guide our children through these consequences. I do this even with my youngest. A natural consequence of him slamming his favorite toy against a wall in anger might be his toy being broken (or a hole in my wall), but instead I take the toy away for a time out, he can have it back when he is calmer. A natural consequence of not caring for your posessions is that your possessions get destroyed or lost.

AS far as the particular method posted about, I don't like to use punitive parenting approaches. I prefer to stick to more natural parenting techniques where possible. And I would never use a Christian based discipline tool.
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