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Old 01-18-2007, 11:38 AM   #52
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turtle2who
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

I can't believe how many people can relate to this situation! I guess I shouldn't be surprised but it always feels like you are the only one going through these things- you know?

My connection with you is that everything was unbelievably good before ds was born. My dh was sooo attentive and loving and almost too much! He would always say "what can I do for you?" or "what do you need from me, honey?" He sent me roses at work for every little thing. He'd help out around the house all the time. Then after ds came when I needed him more than ever it all stopped.

Ds is almost 2 now and dh and I have gone through lots of tough times. Me home on leave and him sole breadwinner, me returning to work and terribly depressed, him working long days and lots of weekends, me feeling like he didn't care at all about our relationship. I finally left last summer and went to my mom's- didn't tell him I was leaving just going to mom's. Ds and I didn't even make it 1 night away- dh was begging and pleading for me to bring the baby home. Our long talks on the phone that afternoon and night brought out a lot and changed things for the better. He didn't take me seriously until I left. Like a lot of the pp's though- it is not all perfect. Things slid back a little and there are still things that upset me daily. I think a lot about leaving and what it would be like to be on my own. I know I could do it. In fact in some ways I think it would be easier to not be disappointed and annoyed on a daily basis.

We all go through times like this I think. But your situation sounds especially rough since dh doesn't seem invested at all. I totally agree with EVERYTHING karmamama said. Also- it is doubtful that you can change him. If you know you are going to leave the situation just make sure to set yourself up for success first. Make a plan and follow it. If it means waiting 2 months to get everything in order then do it! Figure out the daycare and car things before you jump. It will be worth it in the end.

Good luck mama- and
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