Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)
I won't go into real detail but I will say that the brush was used on me as a child (and hand etc) and when I got older it was verbal and some physical. I totally feel what you are saying.
Please forgive yourself as you know this isn't who you are nor who you want to be. If you don't forgive yourself you will suffer more kwim?
For ppl like you and I who have suffered this same kind of childhood it's litterally a part of you because it happend so much and for so long huh? No matter what I do it seems it's always there looming. I fight with it a ton and am not always as successful as I'd like to be.
The most important thing is......that we know it's not normal, admit that it's there, and we are doing our best to control the behavior so we do not repeat the cycle.
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