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Old 05-08-2012, 08:23 AM   #20
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Location: Western US
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Re: Blessed with children, Struggling for more Week of May 7th

Last night was kind of a break through for me emotionally. I spent a little time on the nursery. That has been a hard room for me to go into, and it's been a cluttered cleaning nightmare for a while. We moved ds out of it when he was 3 to get it ready for a new baby. We got the room painted and then in the middle of all the construction type mess my dh had in there, I lost the baby. I have just kept the room closed up for the last 6 months because I haven't been able to deal with going in there. My due date would have been last week, and I'm finally ready to move on and accept the fact that I"m still not pregnant and deal with the room. It was a big accomplishment for me just to clean up the paint marks off the floor and put away 1 box of stuff that was sitting out. I've left the door open so I can try and remember to do a few things in there each night so it isn't so overwhelming. I'm finally figuring out that i can move on. I'm still struggling with the fact that 3 SILs and I all got pregnant with in a month of eachother, and they all have babies to hold (or almost have one here) and I am still empty. But it doesn't hurt as bitterly now, so that is progress. Even with the good news for dh last night, that still doesn't overcome the core problem with us having another because it's always been me that has the issue, dh having to take meds just is what made it impossible. So as good as that is, I'm starting to mentally prepare for the fact that DS might be an only child. And as bad as I want another, and as much as we're going to keep trying, I"m starting to be alright with the idea of only having one. Not happy, not at peace, but not bitterly disappointed either. It's small progress, but at least it's progress.
hand spinning, soap making, sheep raising wife to my hardworking and FT WOHM to my 'lil & 6 angels in heaven & our rainbow baby that joined us safely this summer!
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