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Old 12-05-2017, 09:16 PM   #9
apeeling's Avatar
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Kansas
Posts: 786
Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

I also agree that we are given specific children for a reason. A close friend recently posted on instagram what it's like to have a child wish special needs (her daughter has Down's Syndrome). Not sure if it would be helpful, but I thought I'd share what she said.

"Snapped this picture while playing Uno tonight with C. I love it. You know it has always been hard for me to articulate what it is like to have a child with a disability. When she was younger she would make messes or run away and when telling others about it it always felt like, "yea, but every kid does that. It's just how kids are." Yet it always seemed ten times harder, a heavier weight to carry. How do you explain the difference? I am still trying to figure it out, but a few years ago I latched onto a thought that I hope has given others an idea of how it feels to have a child with a disability.
It's not when, it's if. It wasn't a given that C would walk. How many of you even thought, what am I going to do if my child doesn't walk? With [my other kids] that thought never crossed my mind. Walking was always the next stage they would master and move on. With C running away or wandering off it was never, when she grows out of this, but what if she never does?
When thinking about M's future, it's always been when. When M gets a job, etc... With C it's always been if. If she can say a full sentence, maybe she will be able to get a job. If she can articulate her thoughts and follow a conversation, maybe she will become a contributing member of society, doing something she loves. But what if she never gets to that point and lives the rest of her life having the intellect of a 3rd grader?
This changes you. When looking at life in the if not when, how can it not. You are almost forced to look at who you are at your core and make the hard decisions to let go and change. To step up to the plate and give it your all and not allow the what if to stop you from the right now."

Anyway, seeing them from outside of their family, I know they are the right family for her, even though it was often so frustrating for her parents. It's obvious that you're doing your best, it's ok to feel burnt out sometimes.
Maybe it would be helpful to seek out other moms in your area in a similar situation? Or online groups?
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