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Old 10-29-2007, 08:29 PM   #2
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iris0110
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Re: How many children?

We have two living children. Honestly I didn't even want kids. That changed when I was suprised by having Kearnan. I love him but he can be a ton of work, especially as a toddler. He has special needs and well that is alot. I love him to bits and I really think he would have been a perfect only child. Dh and I had talked and we had decided that we wouldn't try again, but we wouldn't do anything permanent for a few years just to be sure we really didn't want more kids. Then I was suprised with a second pregnancy when Kearnan was just two years old. I have to say that I was scared. We weren't even through the diagnosis process with Kearnan and I didn't know how we would handle a second child and all of Kearnan's needs. But I fell in love anyway. And suprisingly so did Kearnan. When his sister was born still he took it very hard. He couldn't talk much then, but he would pat my tummy and cry. Then he started talking a bit more and would ask me things like "why baby bye bye". I realized that he really wanted a sibling, that he had really been excited about having a baby. And I realized that we really wanted a baby too. It took us about a year to get pregnant again, so Kearnan was 4.5 when his brother was born. I like that spacing, I couldnt' do kiddos much closer than that.

Do they take attention away from each other? Yes, and no. I don't have as much undivided attention for Tharen as I did for Kearnan at that age, and I don't have all of the 1 on 1 I used to have with Kearnan. But they have each other. We can do things as a family that are more fun now (ever try to see saw by yourself?) and they play together for hours, even though they are so far apart in age. They fight too, I can't lie, and there were times in the begining when it was really hard. But I am glad we went for it. And I realized that I really want at least one more baby to raise. But we won't do it right away. Tharen is almost 2, and I still don't think we are ready for another just yet. Probably when he is 3.

I don't know how to know when it is complete. Sometimes I think my family will never feel complete because my daughter will never be with us. Other times I think we don't feel complete because we really do want another baby. But most people tell me that you just know. You may think about how nice it was having an infant, but you don't long to do it again. You feel comfortable with the family that you have.

I can't tell you what is right for you. I don't think I would start TTCing right when your SO gets home. Let him spend some time being a parent and see how it goes. Let him see what it is like, and figure out how money will factor in. Plus that will give you some time to see how you really feel. You may find with him home to help that you really want to go for it too. If you jsut don't want to miss out on all of the fun with your LO, you can wait till she is a bit older to go for it. And you can wait till you are through with school, no one says you have to do it right away. Some people say having two more than 4 yrs apart is like having 2 only children. I don't think it is quite that extreme, but it does give each of the kids a chance for one on one parental attention. Both of my boys got to be babies as long as they needed to. And Kearnan was through some of the harder points by the time his brother came along. Now he is a big help to me. And having a brother is like the ultimate therapy for him because he is forced every day to deal with things that aren't jsut as he would have them. The noise and the mess and the sharing. IT's all good for him.
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ShannonInk'd, Atheist, Liberal, Part Time Large Equipment Mechanic, HS-ing, Mum to ASD Ninja Kearnan (8-4-01) & Derby Boy Tharen (12-1-05)
Always remembering Arawyn Born Silently (12-21-03)
Crocheted longies/shorties, toys and more see samples Arawyn's Garden Crochet
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