View Single Post
Old 03-17-2013, 08:09 PM   #15
FerventlyDreaming's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,722
Re: Transracial Adoption Please help!!!!!

Originally Posted by juclark77 View Post
Quite honestly, discussing racial slurs and racism with my children makes my stomach hurt too! Luckily, at young ages, they have short attention spans and take in little bits at a time rather than really long, heavy discussions. I believe knowing about racism helps protect them. I read the book N*gger by Kennedy, which is a history of the word and how it has been used. After that, I realized that the word is frequently used in preludes to violence against AAs. I talked to my kids about the word (man was it hard for me to make that word come out of my mouth), and told them that if a white person used that word on them, they may not be a safe person, and my kids should go find someone safe. I explained that AA's use versions of the word speaking to each other and it may be totally different in that context. Hopefully, no one will ever say something so awful to my kids, but if someone if a big enough creep to do it, I want my kids to know to get the heck away from them.

When I talk to my kids about "the ugly parts of life" I try to make it constructive. I point out that race is just a way that people choose to classify one another, not based on people being truly different. I point out that racism can be against people on any color. It is something sinful in the racist person/society, rather than something caused by the people being discriminated against. I know adopted kids sometimes think that they were a bad baby, and that it is their fault that their parents couldn't keep them, so I point out how other parents may love their children, but not be able to keep them safe. I emphasize how important it is for kids to be safe. I tell them that there are no "bad babies." I talk to them about how drugs and alcohol mess up people's brains. I am preparing them for some hard talks that we will have about why they aren't with their first mom and dad when they are older. I talk to them about a lot of hard things, but in other ways I really shelter them. I am super careful who I let babysit them. I don't let them watch TV or movies that are scary at all. Other stuff like that.

It may sound like I am giving them too much heavy information, But kids this age really are not deep thinkers. They take the info in, think about it for 10 seconds, then run off to play legos. The conversations are upsetting for me, but not for the children. They don't have nightmares or get upset about it. Sometimes they ask questions about it later, but it is no big deal for them.

Please be gentle with me if you disagree with my approach. I am trying my best with the kids, and it is impossible to know what is truly the best way. Also, I tend to phrase things badly, so my post may come off wrong. We don't sit around talking about this stuff all the time. Mostly just bits and pieces spread out over the years.
The book I referenced does say not to over emphasize color and race but please don't think that I am taking a hard line against what you are doing because I barely have my feet we on the subject.
[SIZE="3"]Megan, Wife to Ron, Mommy to Ben 5-7-09, Grant 4-22-10 Abby 6-16-12,Alex 6-15-15 You're so beautiful to think of, but so hard to be without, E no longer in our home, always in our heart
FerventlyDreaming is offline   Reply With Quote