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Old 09-08-2010, 10:15 AM   #1
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Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

...it caused a male visitor to have unpure thoughts. My female pastor just called to ask me 2 favors.

First, could I pass out informational postcards about our new, young adult oriented church at my breastfeeding support group on Monday.

Second, would I mind using a nursing cover or going to a private room to nurse.

A little background, we are considered leaders in my church. It's very new and we already have about 80 in attendees weekly.

My husband and I have been "founders" of the church since before it WAS a church.

I have been nursing my son in church his entire life. This happened 2 weeks ago.

The man emailed the pastor, embarrassed, and told her that he was basically turned on, by seeing me nurse w/o a cover. (I wear a tucked in tank, and use my top shirt pulled down to cover from the top. Luke's body & blanket cover from the bottom. VERY little is exposed.)

ETA: I was nursing in the LOBBY, well after the service was over. It was our first weekend in a new building & I was waiting on DH to finish packing up the equipment. But, normally, it's nothing for me to nurse in church too!

I told her that using a cover is not an option, since Luke can pull those off of me & then I'd be completely exposed (bc I cannot juggle the shirt/cover thing & then a hooter-hider too).

Her suggestion was to either nurse before or after church (not optional), or use laptops to do a Skype convo & nurse in a private room, so I can still hear/see church.

I'm not sure how I feel. But, I definitely feel offended, violated, and bad.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:16 AM   #2
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

I'd inform the pastor that that is the male's problem not yours. Maybe he should seek some counseling.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:18 AM   #3
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

Whatcha gonna do?
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:24 AM   #4
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

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I'd inform the pastor that that is the male's problem not yours. Maybe he should seek some counseling.
Seriously! I mean you are doing NOTHING wrong. If this man can't keep his own thoughts in check, then that is his issue. He should take himself out of the situation by sitting somewhere else or, you know, just not staring at you. You are not responsible for someone else's dirty mind and lack of self-control. Not trying to be harsh, but I find this kind of thing appalling. I can't stand women being blamed all the time for men not being able to keep their minds out of the gutter.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:39 AM   #5
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

What kind of man would e-mail a pastor to say he got turned on by watching a nursing Mama???? or ahhhhemmmm- unpure thoughts??? I mean seriously!!!
I think I would be talking to your pastor letting her know that her request has bothered you quite a bit- that this man has a problem with you meeting your baby's need- simple as that. You were not doing anything of any kind of sexual nature. Is he going to be turned on by the hot mama wearing a tight skirt also?? Oh, wait- tight clothing is socially acceptable, nursing is taboo.
I love your nurse-in idea- too bad I wouldn't have the guts to actually organize one. I would stand up to the pastor about this though.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:57 AM   #6
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

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What kind of man would e-mail a pastor to say he got turned on by watching a nursing Mama???? or ahhhhemmmm- unpure thoughts??? I mean seriously!!!
I think I would be talking to your pastor letting her know that her request has bothered you quite a bit- that this man has a problem with you meeting your baby's need- simple as that. You were not doing anything of any kind of sexual nature. Is he going to be turned on by the hot mama wearing a tight skirt also?? Oh, wait- tight clothing is socially acceptable, nursing is taboo.

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Old 09-08-2010, 11:17 AM   #7
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

.

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Old 09-08-2010, 12:01 PM   #8
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

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I think a tight skirt would be unacceptable in church as well. Sorry to say this, but a lot of guys do find nursing or boobies sexually arousing. I have heard of strip clubs where all the girls are lactating, and guys go there because they have a thing for it and the guys nurse too. Just because we think it is gross that a guy would think like that, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I wonder how many other men think the same way as the guy who wrote the email. I think most guys would just keep it to themselves. Maybe this is what your pastor is worried about. And yes, I'm sure some guys find that pic of Mary nursing a turn on.

I'm sorry you were asked to leave. I would be upset too. Why should you get punished for his perverted thoughts? Maybe (in your pastor's eyes) it's kind of like not drinking in front of an alcoholic... it is not your problem, but why put temptation in their face? I really don't know what the answer is. I don't think a nurse-in is the way to go unless you want to burn some bridges.
Yes and some people have a foot ****** too, but I still go around flaunting my feet and creating uppure thoughts in my flip flops!

I mean come on! A baby needs to eat, pp can think what they will and keep it to themselves. I am sorry to sound harsh, but I so tired of hearing how I and every other nursing mother needs to be constantly aware of others that we may offend by the simple act of discreetly feeding our children.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:42 AM   #9
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

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I'd inform the pastor that that is the male's problem not yours. Maybe he should seek some counseling.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:52 AM   #10
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

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Originally Posted by JennTheMomma View Post
I'd inform the pastor that that is the male's problem not yours. Maybe he should seek some counseling.
Amen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clare378 View Post
Here's what you do:
1. Open Google
2. Type the words "Mary Jesus breastfeeding"
3. Click Search
4. At the top left, click "images"
5. Save a few to your computer
6. Email a few of the pictures to your pastor and ask which one would be appropriate

P.S. If you find one in which Mary's wearing a hooter-hider, please let me know.
THIS made my day!

Steph don't let yourself be bullied or shamed into hiding while nursing. I'd be polite but firm and tell her that while you will continue to be discreet you have no intention of sitting in a room by yourself and if this "gentleman" has a problem then HE should be the one sitting in a room by himself.

Seriously WHO gets turned on by a woman nursing a BABY. That is a MUCH bigger issue.
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