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Old 02-12-2011, 01:34 PM   #1
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How many children?

I was just wanting to hear from other mamas how they decided how many children to have when they were family planning. I know not all little angels are "planned" but I just mean in general.

If you had 2 and said "no more" what was your reasoning. The same if you have 6.

What are your takes on being able to help/pay for college? Sharing rooms? All those things you think of when you think of adding to your family.

I'm asking because it's something my husband and I have been talking about as we just welcomed DD #2 and know we'd like more, just not sure how many more (should we be so blessed).
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Old 02-12-2011, 01:38 PM   #2
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I wanted two. I practice and believe in ZPG. That was my primary reason, but I also feel that life as a family of 4 is very manageable. It affords me enough time and money for each of my kids.

ETA: we plan on each child having their own room. We also plan on paying college tuition and books. We might also help with other expenses, but they will likely pay for room and board with grants, loans, or paychecks.

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Old 02-12-2011, 01:41 PM   #3
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Re: How many children?

I've always wanted four. We had our three girls, and dd3's birth/first six months was a nightmare. (35 weeks, 2 weeks in NICU, severe colic, etc) so we were "done". lol, until this fall when she turned one. We decided to add one more, because we felt there was "someone missing" and finally we feel complete! When this little guy is born I really feel I won't have those urges for more.

As for room depends on the kid for us. Oldest dd is one that really shouldn't share a room: she NEEDS that alone time. The younger two girls share a room and love it! This new baby will be in a room by itself, unless we have foster kiddos, then he'll share.

As far as college goes, we're of the mindset that we will help, but not provide all. I didn't get any help at all and we did just fine.
Jill, mama to Grace, 11.30.2005, Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah, 9.5.09,
X4 my chunky bubs Reed 8.19.2011, and dfs 2.29.12
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Old 02-12-2011, 01:44 PM   #4
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Re: How many children?

We wanted one from the start and that's what we have and we're pretty certain that's all we want. Basically, it just feels right to both DH and I. Sometimes we joke about having another baby but we always laugh at it and say, "yeah right!" We don't have much money so that's definitely another factor to consider. But even if we had more money I don't think that would change our minds.
Maybe you don't know how many more children you want right now but I think that you'll just know when it feels right. Maybe when #3 comes along it'll just click for you guys and you'll say, "yup, this is it! This feels perfect!"
Maybe not. Maybe it won't feel complete until you've had your 4th or 5th. I think you should just trust that you'll know when you know
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Old 02-12-2011, 02:02 PM   #5
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Re: How many children?

When i was a child i always imagined i'd have a huge family. I'm the youngest of eight, so it made sense.

When C&B were born, we tried several times (IVF) to have another child. That wasn't to be, so we settled with our boy and made the best of it. Surprisingly i found myself pregnant with MissB and when she was born that was it.

Then MrT came along and i was adamant that was it. Manshape went on the list for a vasectomy. Then when MrT was born i changed my mind completely. We're now actively TTC another child!
Heather - Proud Welsh Mammy to C, passed at birth Boyo 7 MissB, 4 MrT 2 and Yeah-yeah, my Valentines babe Wicked Stepmother of S, 13 Best friend and lover of Manshape
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Old 02-12-2011, 02:46 PM   #6
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Re: How many children?

DH and I talked about kids and pretty much decided how many before we where married. We knew we wanted a big family for many reasons. It was just me and my sis growing up and we lived for when our cousins visited, there where 12 of us then. My Grams & Papa had 8. DH grew up 1 of 5 but his parents actually had 6. The oldest died in a drowning accident. And DH Uncle & Aunt have 10 kids. So we decided we wanted between 5 and 10 though I'd still love 12. We have 6 now and DH says he's done. Though every once in awhile he admits that after we buy a home he may change his mind and we could go for 1 or 2 more. LOL

Also before having the kids we decide we wanted them to share rooms. It wont matter if we have a mansion the girls will all be in one room and the boys all in another. We believe it fosters sibling relationships and family unity. Yes there is squabbling but that is a fact of life with siblings. Having them in the same rooms makes them problem solve rather than hide and ignore. We're curently in a 4 bedroom house and the 4th bedroom is set up as a office with 2 desks, a drawing table and all the art and home work stuff.

Our kids currently have bunk beds but we have plans for triple high bunks. Still deciding if they'll be full size or twin. Our twin DDs still sleep together, there bottom bunk is a full right now. And our 4yo keeps making our 10yo sleep with him. Which is pretty crowded since that bottom bunk is a twin. So I'm leaning toward the slightly wider full size. Our kids hate trundles. They wont sleep on them at all, so they are out.

As for paying for college we know there's always a way. We can use DH life ins or retirement fund and of course we'll be having our kids pursue many scholarships. DH will keep working and once all the kids are older I'll most likely get at least a part time job of some sort to fill the time and bulk savings.

We'll treat our kids the way my mom has my sister and I. Any time they need help they'll get it weather it's fir school or not. And it wont stop when they hit a certain age or graduate from a certain level of education. My mom still demands that we take $$ from her and let her help us when we are struggling or have bills. She says she'll always be our mom and that being a parent never stops. Why should helping with $$ if she can?

We also know all our kids wont go to college like most think of it. Several have expressed interest in fallowing their father and Uncle into the CHP which costs nothing. They in fact get a payed salary while at the academe. Our oldest wants to sing and write music. She'll most likely got to a vocational school like Musicians Institute. While it's college it's lower cost and less years. Since we have family in LA she'll stay with them and that will cut her housing cost.

So like I said there is always a way. I have very few fears about my kids futures.
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6/98 Alex, 3/00 Ender, 7/04 (our "Beans") Aeryn & Ashe, 6/06 (Bug) Asterix, and 12/08 (Midg) Atreyu

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Old 02-12-2011, 02:03 PM   #7
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Re: How many children?

I wanted 1-2. We had a horrible time adopting so I'm not sure if we will do about #2. I would like one more maybe. Its just the adoption process holding us back - we just had bad luck till we met our son's birthparents (and even with them we ended up with a bad attorney).

My husband said no more after 3 and hee hee... we have our darling son...(he literally said no more and did something about it). He's madly in love and an amazing father all over again (and I knew what I was getting when I married him and it was great to have a dad who knew what he was doing).

College very very much worries us with having two. My parents paid for my college & graduate school with help from grandparents. My husband didn't have the opportunity and went into the air force and married right away... he later got his bachelors. He really wanted his degree and had to hold off as his ex-was not supportive and he had to work 2-3 jobs (but he did it). His degree has really helped him/us and given us a good life so both of us are very strong on education for different reasons and very much value it. We very much want to help our son/children as much as possible. We are doing the prepaid and hope to save more once that is done (our logic was at least if something happens he will have something and then we don't have to worry about tuition but I'd like him to live on campus/have the full college experience that I had/husband didn't.).

We have a 3 bedroom house, small but there is room for one more. The room is empty as we are DIYing the house and keep bouncing rooms so there is room for another one if we decide to go for it (college worries us, how much we'd spend for adoption worries as none of it really went for our actual adoption so how do we do it again this time and we worry about can we get great birthparents in a very open adoption again - love open adoption....)... so we are in the undecided camp. But, my son has 4 siblings so its not like he's alone in the world. He has three much older from my husband (26, 25, and 20) and his brother who is with his birthparents (2 1/2) who he sees as often as we can get together (I get some strange looks when I say he has 4 siblings and the ranges and where they are....but its all good).

Also, my husband worries about age & retirement, which is a reasonable concern. (But, its a good thing I didn't listen or care with #1 and he'll support me if I go for #2 - he may grumble a little but when that baby is in his arms he'll go into dad mode with a smile on his face no matter how tired he is).
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
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Old 02-12-2011, 02:17 PM   #8
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Re: How many children?

We wanted four. Then we had two. They're a lot of work and my hands are full. I'm very content with the two we have. I have no desire to ever have more kids.
Stephanie, Mom to Dylan Vinh (3/06) and Madison Thi (7/07)

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Old 02-12-2011, 02:27 PM   #9
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Re: How many children?

I don't know that we ever really talked about a certain number. Our oldest wasn't planned and after her I said let's have another and DH was okay with that. Well, after DS was born, DH said he didn't want anymore. Well, I wanted another. It was just such a great longing. Prayed about it and DH agreed to a third. After she was born, I was content. Happy with 3, happy with more, didn't really have a preference. DH was adamant about no more. So, more praying, and we decided no more.

Our girls share a room because DH and I wanted a room where we could close off some things (reloading equipment and artsy crafty stuff). We do not plan on paying for them to go to college. We see no reason why they can't strive for scholarships and apply for grants, and earn their own way. I am not saying we won't help out at all, but we have no plans to pay for tuition or boarding or whatever. We are not buying them their first cars, either.
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Old 03-15-2011, 09:58 PM   #10
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Re: How many children?

I wanted two, dh wanted 3. We had 1, dh wanted to be done, I knew I wasn't.

We had two, I still wasn't done. Dh was not entirely shut off to it, but somewhat opposed.

We had three, we were both done. However, we had a fourth.

We were just ready to move onto the next phase of our lives. No more baby stuff. We love children to pieces and could keep on keepin' on but just wanted to be done with babies. Our youngest is 4 now and man, neither dh nor I even like babies anymore.
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