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Old 08-11-2011, 07:28 PM   #1
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Can't take it anymore *rant*

I'm getting so frustrated and angry and jealous and upset and hopeless. Another friend just announced they are expecting a baby. This is the 9th friend in a year having a baby. This one is another unplanned unexpected child.

I feel so angry that everyone else gets to have a child, and yet I still can't. I know its wrong for me to feel this way, and that makes me feel even WORSE. Well over half of these friends were actively trying to AVOID having children - and totally 100% NOT READY for a child. Yet myself and my husband have been ready and trying for years. I keep thinking that we should just stop trying, as that might help me to feel less resentful to everyone else. But then it might backfire and I end up feeling resentful to everyone.

Grrrrr... Ok, I'm done my rant now.
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:44 PM   #2
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

Hugs, Mama, there is nothing wrong with feeling like that- those are normal healthy feelings! Maybe it is time for a little break- jump off the rollercoaster for a bit- but not giving up. Take a vacation and relax. I've had those same feelings, we had to do fertility treatments to have DD, and there are nearly 10 years between her and DS. I've been there!
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:56 PM   #3
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

I'm sorry. I sympathize so much... I've been feeling so much like that myself lately. My best friend just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago, and my own little girl should have been born the week after hers. I'm supposed to see her for the first time this weekend and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope. I spent at least an hour today just curled up on the bed in tears. I used to feel like I was coping reasonably well; lately, though, I feel like I'm just pretending to hold it together. And there's really nothing anyone can say or do to make it any easier.

It's just so unfair. Even my 15-year-old cousin has managed to have a healthy baby. :P And like you say, so many unplanned, and many of those born into families not ready for them, or not likely to be healthy families at any point.

You're in my prayers. I wish I knew more to say, but I don't think there are any words that really help. It's just such an incredibly hard road to travel.

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Old 08-11-2011, 10:53 PM   #4
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

Huge hugs......HUGE I say. Please do not give up, I know exactly where you are right now, I have been there so many times I stopped counting. If you want hope feel free to read my Bumpy Road thread, it may help you not feel like you have nothing to gain. Infertility sucks big donkey D*ck, but it can be beaten. Feel free to PM me, to vent to cry or even for someone to simply listen to you. I am here, I have been there...it took us over 6 years of unexplained infertility and treatments to get Claire.......please don't give up hope
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Old 08-11-2011, 11:06 PM   #5
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

I am not in the position you are in, but what your feeling sounds so natural to me, and if these are true friends they will understand. Hugs, and lots of well wishes.
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Old 08-11-2011, 11:24 PM   #6
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

Oh honey, I was totally there at one point and posted my vents all over the TTC boards. lol! It's absolutely normal to feel this way and so hard not to especially as time goes by and you can see these people don't want to get pregnant and are not ready at all to be parents.

I even had several friends that had had TWO babies by the time I finally got pregnant...so it was hard to see them go back around for round 2 and get pregnant again so quickly and easily and some of them didn't want the second baby or were not trying for the second baby.

It's hard not to get angry about it. I understand. PM me anytime.
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Old 08-14-2011, 06:52 AM   #7
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

While I think it's fair to feel jealous, I wouldn't down so much on your friends for having "unplanned" babies. It doesn't mean their babies will be any less loved or cared for than one who is planned.
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Old 08-14-2011, 06:13 PM   #8
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

I completely agree that many of those unplanned babies will be loved - but right now the odds are not even 50/50 My sister's LO's live with my mom, on ex-friend drugged her baby so much that Social Services took him away, all the fathers have resented their girlfriends and left them (except one, who is fighting for full custody as he is sooo much better a parent than his ex-GF), every day I hear my friends go on and on about how these children ruined their lives, or see them give the child to there parents to raise. It breaks my heart EVERY TIME. It's totally not fair!
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Old 08-14-2011, 07:01 PM   #9
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

Have you thought about adopting one of these children?
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Old 08-14-2011, 07:33 PM   #10
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Re: Can't take it anymore *rant*

Yes! Each and every one of my friends I have offered to take their child, but the grandparents will not let them be taken from the family. (The one in foster care, I can't get back as its still in the courts)

We are currently working on adopting one little boy, but his mom wants to try just a little bit longer. He had bad colic that is just starting to taper off. And my sister's next child tested positive for Downs Syndrome. And she will be most likely handing the child over to me, we are working on the paperwork and such.
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