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Old 10-01-2011, 04:36 PM   #1
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Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

i'm having some issues with my LO not being bf. i had a c-section and just was not producing enough milk. i sadly gave up about 2 weeks into it. it was taking a toll on my body plus trying to recover from a c-section was pretty tough. everytime i see someone and they see my baby they ALWAYS ask "oh, are you nursing?" and i embarresly always respond with a no. i wish so bad that i could have breastfed. i know it is just so much better and healthier for my baby. and as any mom you want to give your baby everything healthy. my baby is almost 5months old and every now and then i try and squeeze out any milk i "might" have but we all know it's long gone now!!! anyone else have any guilt not bf?? stories are welcome and judgement free zone!!!
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Old 10-01-2011, 06:07 PM   #2
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I didn't nurse DD1. She was a NICU baby and got a bottle 1st. I tried for a month but she refused. Then I pumped for her til my milk dried up at 3 months and we switched to formula. I had some nurses and LCs telling me to stop bottles and just go for it, but her latch was terrible and she was gaining good weight and happy on bottles and I decided that was more important! Don't feel guilty!! You did what was right for you and your baby and that's all you can do. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about it. When people asked me I'd say something "No. We tried but it just didn't work out."
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:14 AM   #3
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I didn't nurse DD1. She was a NICU baby and got a bottle 1st. I tried for a month but she refused. Then I pumped for her til my milk dried up at 3 months and we switched to formula. I had some nurses and LCs telling me to stop bottles and just go for it, but her latch was terrible and she was gaining good weight and happy on bottles and I decided that was more important! Don't feel guilty!! You did what was right for you and your baby and that's all you can do. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about it. When people asked me I'd say something "No. We tried but it just didn't work out."
This is my story, exactly. I don't feel guilty at all. We tried, it didn't work and I made sure my baby was fed and happy. Doesn't matter how she was fed, just that she was. She is now a very happy and healthy 3 1/2 year old.
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Old 10-01-2011, 07:47 PM   #4
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I nursed DD1 for 2 weeks. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, I had searing pain everytime she latched. I was literally hallucinating because I had no sleep, she wasn't sleeping either. No one I knew had or was BF, I had literally zero support. My mom kept telling me to give her formula so I did, I needed SOME relief.

I also had a c section and really don't think that had anything to do with enough milk on my end, although the pain is something else to deal with for sure.

Well, I educated myself after the fact and she probably had a bad latch. I went on to nurse DD2 and DD3 for a full year each, with no formula. If you have another and feel compelled, then you can BF. If your supply is low (wondering how you knew it was low in this case?), you can get help.

If not...well enjoy having others help with feedings! One upside to formula is someone else can help with night feedings, DH was great with DD1 but I was on my own with the other 2. Also I think he bonded better with DD1 right away, took time with the other two because they were literally attached to me for quite some time.

ETA: I think I feel most guilty because DD1 has asthma and I wonder if BF could have prevented it. Although with family history on both sides, likely not.

Last edited by NebraskaGirl82; 10-01-2011 at 07:48 PM.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:36 PM   #5
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by NebraskaGirl82 View Post
I nursed DD1 for 2 weeks. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, I had searing pain everytime she latched. I was literally hallucinating because I had no sleep, she wasn't sleeping either. No one I knew had or was BF, I had literally zero support. My mom kept telling me to give her formula so I did, I needed SOME relief.

I also had a c section and really don't think that had anything to do with enough milk on my end, although the pain is something else to deal with for sure.

Well, I educated myself after the fact and she probably had a bad latch. I went on to nurse DD2 and DD3 for a full year each, with no formula. If you have another and feel compelled, then you can BF. If your supply is low (wondering how you knew it was low in this case?), you can get help.

If not...well enjoy having others help with feedings! One upside to formula is someone else can help with night feedings, DH was great with DD1 but I was on my own with the other 2. Also I think he bonded better with DD1 right away, took time with the other two because they were literally attached to me for quite some time.

ETA: I think I feel most guilty because DD1 has asthma and I wonder if BF could have prevented it. Although with family history on both sides, likely not.

It is true that you wouldn't be able to tell about low supply after only 2 weeks. I thought that with my first and just kept feeding and it all evened out. You supply isn't even established for a month or two.
I also had searing pain and no sleep for 6 weeks with DD1 but BF her till 8m. Only stopped because I got prego and dried up
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Old 07-28-2012, 07:38 AM   #6
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NebraskaGirl82 View Post
I nursed DD1 for 2 weeks. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, I had searing pain everytime she latched. I was literally hallucinating because I had no sleep, she wasn't sleeping either. No one I knew had or was BF, I had literally zero support. My mom kept telling me to give her formula so I did, I needed SOME relief.

I also had a c section and really don't think that had anything to do with enough milk on my end, although the pain is something else to deal with for sure.

Well, I educated myself after the fact and she probably had a bad latch. I went on to nurse DD2 and DD3 for a full year each, with no formula. If you have another and feel compelled, then you can BF. If your supply is low (wondering how you knew it was low in this case?), you can get help.

If not...well enjoy having others help with feedings! One upside to formula is someone else can help with night feedings, DH was great with DD1 but I was on my own with the other 2. Also I think he bonded better with DD1 right away, took time with the other two because they were literally attached to me for quite some time.

ETA: I think I feel most guilty because DD1 has asthma and I wonder if BF could have prevented it. Although with family history on both sides, likely not.
I could have written this, other than I made it 3 weeks and had thrush on top, and my DD2 is only 3 months but going strong EBF. Right down to the asthma, but I had it as a child too, so I don't really think that BFing would have saved her. The only thing I miss about FF is that DH could help more with DD1 than he can with DD2 now.

I really would encourage moms who might have not had a good BFing relationship with one child to try again with a second or subsequent child. I know so many people IRL now who've had miserable experiences BFing one child only to have success with other children. Just because it didn't work out once doesn't mean it won't the second time. Personally having done it both ways I prefer BF, but that doesn't mean that I think I was wrong to FF DD1 - it was the right decision in that place in time, and I did the important thing - I made the decision that was right for us. Breast is only best if it's what's working for everyone's health and sanity.
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Old 10-01-2011, 08:38 PM   #7
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Don't feel guilty! What is there to feel guilty about? Honestly? I want to know. I didn't breastfeed my first son because he was a NICU baby and there was just no way. I didn't breastfeed my second son because I tried it for a few days and hated it. I just didn't want to do it. I could have tried harder, could have put up with the pain of it and the weird emotions I got from it, but I didn't want to. Plain and simple. I don't regret it for a minute. Neither should you. Oh and when people have the audacity to ask you if you nurse your child, you should just say that it's none of their business or that it's personal. How rude of people to ask. Don't feel guilty mama, and ENJOY that baby!!!
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Old 10-01-2011, 10:39 PM   #8
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

i ff'd dd1, and regretted it. tried relactating and everything. i stewed over it for months. looking back now, i wish i hadn't. i bf'd dd2 for two years, and now with my third (and last) pg, i feel totally wiped out and wanting my own body back. by the time i stopped bfing dd2, i would literally shudder every time she latched on. i did not like nursing her at all, and i resented her quite often. i have some complicated body image issues which have not helped anything, but the bottom line is that what was not good for me was not good for my baby (or the rest of my family- i'm in quite a foul mood while nursing/ pg). i have so many more happy memories of bottle feeding and snuggling dd1 than i have of bfing dd2. dd1 is just as attached and healthy as dd2, even now at almost 8 years old. i'm sure i'll have twinges of guilt here and there, but they won't be anything like what i felt with dd1, now that i've btdt. i'll be a happier mommy with a happier family, and remembering that will push any feelings of guilt aside!
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Old 10-01-2011, 11:09 PM   #9
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Please don't feel guilty--you did your best and that's all anyone can expect! Your baby will benefit from having a mom that does her best, right? I hate it when people try to guilt over the BF issue, so many moms really try hard and it doesn't work out and I don't see how making them feel worse helps.
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Old 10-02-2011, 08:46 AM   #10
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

thanks for all the positive feedback and the experience of your BF stories, i really appreciate it! i also forgot to add that my baby was in the NICU for almost a whole week as well as some of your babies were, too. i try to look at the positive side of things like my baby is healthy, HUGE (4 months and almost 20lbs!!)!! and happy..and that is all that really matters. so thank you again for all your support and uplifiting positiveness!!

Last edited by katymf; 10-02-2011 at 08:48 AM.
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