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Old 10-07-2011, 08:04 AM   #1
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PLEASE help... getting so angry!

I need some help getting some perspective here... I'm finding myself getting SO angry with my son's lack of progress and I know that's not fair but I can't seem to help it!

He's 29 months and we just did an entire summer of being naked-bum and using the potty quite well 90% of the time and now that it is cold and he needs to wear clothes to keep from getting sick... he WON'T go to the potty on his own, he WON'T tell us if he has to go, and he WON'T tell us when he has already gone.

I know getting mad at him is the last thing we should be doing but how do you control your emotions when faced with yet another dirty diaper, or pants, or underwear, or trainer, or puddle???? I KNOW it's probably all my fault for not being more helpful to him and I am trying to work on that... but it's the frustration that I really need help dealing with because I really just want to flip out every time I smell pee or poop.


I don't want to say we've tried everything because obviously we haven't... but he seems "ready" except for the fact that he doesn't care if he is dirty. He can "hold it" for several hours, and he knows what to do to bear down and to release urine and will do it before baths on command and to "stall" going to bed. We have tried (obviously) being naked for a couple months. We've tried food/treat motivation which only works some of the time. We've tried blowing out a candle as a reward (he loves candles) but it's just not enough motivation for him. We've tried stickers to no avail. We've tried leaving him dirty for a while and he doesn't care. We've tried just pants no undies and while he doesn't like wet socks very much, it doesn't stop him from peeing and if he is playing hard he still won't be bothered by wet legs (and I get pee footprints all over the place).

He will ask for a diaper specifically because he wants to wet\mess in it.
It just makes ME not want to try anymore either. I can't decide half the time if I want to scream or cry.

Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg!!!
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Old 10-07-2011, 08:59 AM   #2
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Well this probably won't help LOL but when he is ready he will do it all on his own. He is probably letting you know that he's not mentally ready *much sadness for you Mama* I do think you are on the right track if he is going on the potty sometimes Yay! How super awesome this last summer was for him!
If it's not working 100% right now though revert a little. Put him back in diapers for a while. Tell him that it is okay and that everyone has accidents sometimes and when he is ready he won't diapers at all! He is probably picking up on the fact that it means a lot to you for him to use the potty and it's powerful to have that control over Mommy. So change it up, you can't make him do it for you he has to do it for himself. What's that saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" LOL
Read a lot of different books to him about other children potty learning. Have him play with kids who are potty trained. It also helps to change/check his diaper right in the middle of when he is really involved in play LOL, and really treat him like he's a little guy for a while. It may be all he needs is some babying to reassure him that you still love him and he's your baby to get him back on track.
Some other ideas are you could do an hour or two of Potty Training Time during the day when you can really watch him and help him to the potty and when he's got the hang of that add an hour or two until he can go all day or you could try leg warmers and a long sleeve tee and go naked bum to see if he will go to the potty then just like this summer. Then you would know if it was a control thing or a clothing thing.
I HTH <3
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:11 AM   #3
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Sometimes boys tend to take longer than girls. None of my boys were out of diapers before age 3...I don't even push kids anymore and let them "self" train. Much less stressful on every one.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:26 PM   #4
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Thanks mamas. I just needed to get that out, ya know? I hadn't thought of your suggestions Amber and I will give that a try... he doesn't quite get that he's big and his baby sister is a baby, but he DOES really look up to any older kids he gets to play with.
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Old 10-08-2011, 12:47 AM   #5
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

My son is going to be 3 next month and is in daycare with other kids who are potty trained and doesn't have much interest - if any - in potty learning. He'll get there mama, take a deep breath and realize that if he is having that many accidents he is just not there yet.
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Old 10-08-2011, 07:59 AM   #6
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

i am feeling the same way! my DS is 27mo and not interested at all and also doesnt care if he's messy. I've given up on trying just now, he wont even go near the potty
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Old 10-10-2011, 08:17 PM   #7
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

I guess I'm going to be the voice of dissent here. There is actually medical research that shows it can be bad for urinary tract and bowel health to potty train late. It sounds like your child needs to be reminded to use the potty. Take him to the potty during times when adults logically go to the bathroom: upon waking up, after meals, before bath and bed, before getting in the car, after arriving home. As parents, it's our responsibility to teach our children good health and hygiene habits. It should be pretty obvious that going around with our urine and feces wrapped around our bodies when we can help it is not a good habit to have. It's not unreasonable to remind your child he needs to eat or that bedtime is approaching. In the same manner, it's not unreasonable to remind a two or three year old that he needs to empty his bladder and bowels rather than crapping and peeing himself.
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Old 10-10-2011, 08:29 PM   #8
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tweedledum View Post
I guess I'm going to be the voice of dissent here. There is actually medical research that shows it can be bad for urinary tract and bowel health to potty train late. It sounds like your child needs to be reminded to use the potty. Take him to the potty during times when adults logically go to the bathroom: upon waking up, after meals, before bath and bed, before getting in the car, after arriving home. As parents, it's our responsibility to teach our children good health and hygiene habits. It should be pretty obvious that going around with our urine and feces wrapped around our bodies when we can help it is not a good habit to have. It's not unreasonable to remind your child he needs to eat or that bedtime is approaching. In the same manner, it's not unreasonable to remind a two or three year old that he needs to empty his bladder and bowels rather than crapping and peeing himself.
Geez - thanks for those awesome tips - obviously no one here has ever thought of prompting their child. We've just been sitting around waiting for them to say "I feel the need to deficate into the toilet"

The potty learning time is when a child is most likely to be abused - when a parent says that she needs help and is getting nowhere the last thing that they need is someone to tell themis that they aren't living up to their responsibilities.
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Old 10-11-2011, 12:35 PM   #9
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

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Originally Posted by cacasey1981 View Post
Geez - thanks for those awesome tips - obviously no one here has ever thought of prompting their child. We've just been sitting around waiting for them to say "I feel the need to deficate into the toilet"

The potty learning time is when a child is most likely to be abused - when a parent says that she needs help and is getting nowhere the last thing that they need is someone to tell themis that they aren't living up to their responsibilities.
Toilet training is actually only the SECOND most common reason for child abuse. First being sleep problems. But how nice that you're speaking for everybody on this thread about what they've tried and what their philosophies on toilet training are! Because it sounded to me like there were a lot of posts perpetuating the myth of "toilet training readiness," ie, if the child is TRULY ready, he'll be able to bring himself to the toilet 100% of the time and have next to zero accidents. I'm glad to know that I was misinterpreting the posts and no one here was giving a mother permission to let her son crap and pee himself until SHE felt SHE was ready, or HE was ready, for that matter, and because really most boys don't toilet train until a late age anyway (on average, boys only potty train 2 months later than girls, and the biggest single predictor of what age a child will toilet train is the age the parents start toilet training).

Whew! Glad to hear I was wrong. OP, I support whatever decision you make for your kid and your own frustration levels at this point in time. But there's no such thing as "being ready" to toilet train, and if your child can really "do it all [ie, all the toileting] on his own," you've let him go in diapers for too long.
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Old 10-11-2011, 12:32 PM   #10
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Thanks both of you... for the perspective tweedledum and for the defense cacasey.
I feel like my motives aren't "right"... that I want him trained for ME and maybe that's part of the negativity too. But I also feel that he IS ready, and I'm just missing something to get through that final hurdle of him wanting to be clean all on his own... and that I'm letting him down. Unfortunately, my way of coping with those feelings is to get frustrated and I don't handle that well.

There is pressure of him being the only one in his playgroup that isn't in underwear. There is pressure from parents who trained us by 2 years old. There are my two good friends who had also trained their little ones by now. That's all on ME, not on him... and I need to let it go too.
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