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Old 06-09-2006, 12:42 AM   #1
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conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

This issue in particular is about nighttime parenting/sleeping, but in general my dh and I have differing parenting styles.
I am very mellow and laid back, a very attached type mom. My dh is more rigid, more of a rules sort of guy, he believes things are 'supposed' to be a certain way. We honestly conflict alot of the time, but since I am the primary caregiver for our children, he pretty much gives in to my way most of the time. Oddly enough he is also proud of my parenting and will tell anyone who will listen what a great mom I am

So on to the conflict. I am a bit upset here so sorry if this post sounds rantlike!

We dont cosleep. Dh is SO adamantly against it. I have never been able to so much as cuddle one of my babies at bedtime without having to deal with a full on screaming match with dh. He has 'issues' with sleep, always had. He is a very light sleeper and has a hard time staying asleep. He often gets about 5 or 6 hours of sleep and wakes up at around 4 alot of days because he cant sleep. That is why he claims he doesnt want our dd in bed with us.

As much as I hate it, I can generally accept that co sleeping wont work for us. W are SO lucky to have a dd who sleeps incredibly well through the night. ost of the time she goes to bed from 7pm to 7am. Because of her usual nighttime habits it hasnt been as big of an issue.

The problem comes in when she does wake up. Sometimes, maybe once or twice a month, she wakes up (like she did tonight) with a poopy diaper. She usually goes back to sleep but this is where dh and I butt heads

So on these nights when she does wake up, I want to bring her in bed with us so she can fall back asleep. I just love the feeling of cuddling with my baby and having her snuggle into me to sleep. I rarely have those moments, and honestly I really miss them. I feel like its a fair compromise that when she wakes up, and she needs us, she should be able to come to bed with us. Regularly she sleeps in her crib, but whens he wakes up at night she should be welcome in our bed. Dh wants no part of it. He gets angry, starts threatening to leave, yells (therefore waking up our other dd) claims I am insensitive because I dont have sleep issues, and I dont care about him at all, blah blah blah. Now I know part of this is sleep deprivation, but whatever... I think he needs to get over it. I think i am being fair.

He feels that she should be in her own bed and under NO circumstances should she come in bed with us. Ever. Even in a few years when she is a toddler who has a bad dream and wants to come in bed with us. Nope! What am I supposed to say? Too bad hunny sorry your terrified go back to your own bed daddy doesnt want you here?

I told him that the rest of us should not have to suffer because he has sleep issues, that if its that bad that he cannot have his infant daughter in bed once a month then he needs to see a doctor about it or take sleeping pills or something. He wont even have this conversation with me. He gets Irate about the situation and we cannot have a conversation about it that does not end in yelling.

I am so p#ssed I cant sleep. How would you handle this situation? Do you think I am being insensitive? I dont want to paint the 'bad dh' picture, generally he is a good guy, but of course we tend to talk about the bad more than the good so that certainly wouldnt be evident from this post!
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Old 06-09-2006, 01:52 AM   #2
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

I love the fact that DH is so on board BUT baby ieterh cospleeps or not. gtb it igether dh nd relkie kife is never the samesys the pumpimg womn. give us the in
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:17 PM   #3
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

I really got lucky that my ex husband was just as interested on things as I was. The things he didn't agree on or found he didn't like he just pretty much left up to me and would have his comments but still let me do my thing thankfully. The only thing I could say is to just keep giving him more information about how what you want to do and choose to do is right and how it benifits them and keep trying
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:22 PM   #4
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

I know some women who have put a twin size air mattress in the baby's room and have laid down in there - could you do that to get the baby back to sleep? You get the cuddle time and H gets the sleep time and then you could put the baby back in the crib when she goes back to sleep, or you stay there with her for a bit. I don't cosleep either - I'm the bad sleeper! LOL - so I'm not sure if that suggestion would even work.
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:48 PM   #5
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

my dad was a light sleeper, so my mom put a bed in my room when I was a baby for these occassions, she also said it was easier since she was an extended bf'er. We don't cosleep because dh moves around a lot in his sleep, sleepwalks, night terrors, etc (heck I should move in my sons room lol). But with everything else, I have the say in raising my son since I'm the one who's home with him all the time. I hope something works out for you!
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:00 PM   #6
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelolsen-and-Padawan
I know some women who have put a twin size air mattress in the baby's room and have laid down in there - could you do that to get the baby back to sleep? You get the cuddle time and H gets the sleep time and then you could put the baby back in the crib when she goes back to sleep, or you stay there with her for a bit. I don't cosleep either - I'm the bad sleeper! LOL - so I'm not sure if that suggestion would even work.
This is a good idea! With my older dd she only slept in the crib for a few months and went straight to a full size bed... so there was plenty of room for me to crawl in bed with her as needed. I might invest in a futon or something so that we can all be happy.

Mostly, Dh goes with the flow as far as my parenting style, and usually he even practices these things because he sees how well adjusted the kids are but this is one area where he just will not budge!
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Old 06-09-2006, 10:06 PM   #7
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Re: conflict in parenting styles, wwyd? Advise?

I hope that works out
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