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Old 02-19-2012, 06:25 PM   #1
Suzi
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Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

My 5 year old is profoundly autistic. he doesn't speak. He has made many strides over the last year but it is likely that he will never really communicate.

This weekend has been very difficult. He isn't feeling well and any little thing leads to a huge fit. Screaming at the top of his lungs, hitting himself, hitting me, and not easily distracted.

Sometimes I just want to scream at him, as if that will suddenly make him talk and tell me what is wrong. Ugh, I feel so horrible for getting that frustrated with him. I'm able to not scream but he can sense the tension in me and it only makes him feel worse.

We think he has strep. His brother and step-mom both had it. He wont' cooperate with any exam but the doc wanted to start anti-biotics (and he's not an antibiotic loving doctor). DS was running fevers and not eating all that well. He's also a big kisser and drink stealer. I know this is sorta-wrong but I hope to God it is strep, that way it will be better soon.

Overall my ds is doing good and making many improvements with being engaged with others and is learning academic stuff at school. His 6th birthday is getting closer and ods always gets sad around yds's birthdays since he thought this would be the year his brother would talk to him.

Thanks for letting me come here and vent. He's getting upset again so my brief break is over, thanks for reading
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Old 02-19-2012, 06:35 PM   #2
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

I think every parent feels like that sometimes, special needs or not. I have felt that way with both girls (1 SN, 1 not). I hope it gets better soon! Hope this isn't TMI but I usually find whenever I have one of those days where I want to scream at them all because I can't stand it anymore, aunt flo comes to visit in the next day or so.
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Old 02-19-2012, 06:46 PM   #3
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

I'm so sorry you had a rough weekend! I totally and completely know what you mean when you say that you hope your kiddo is sick because then maybe they'll be through the phase quicker then if it is a real behavior situation. And many times I have lost my cool (or almost lost it) with my daughter with ASD and wanted to punish her for a meltdown or not being able to communicate with me. This stuff is not for the faint-of-heart.

I hope that your boy feels better soon and you can get some rest.
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Old 02-19-2012, 06:51 PM   #4
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

mama. Of course you feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Who wouldn't? You are dealing with so many things you never imagined in a million years. I hope your little guy is feeling more like himself soon.
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Old 02-19-2012, 07:43 PM   #5
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

We all feel like that! No one dreams of being a parent to a bunch of special needs LOs. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, heartbreaking, joyous and more. My Grandma is a wonderful encourager and has always had just the right thing to say when I was having one of those days--and sometimes that is often! She raised 2 special needs little ones, both of them had spinabifada and has had more than her share of trials. She was very young when her second DD was born with spina bifida. It was a very hard time for her, but she never forgot a woman who uplifted her in the church. Another young mother had just had her first baby, and was a single mother. Her baby was healthy. Someone commented that it didn't seem fair that the single mother's baby was healthy while my grandma's child in a loving 2 parent home faced extreme challenges. Another kind woman in the church brought up the point that while she may have seemed lucky, she didn't even have the baby's father for support. She also said that God always knows who to trust his "special babies" with. A kind comment like that doesn't end all your problems but it can make the world seem a bit brighter. Yes, you will still have those days. You may not feel like God knew what he was doing when he gave you a special needs LO, but I promise you that He did. You may feel overwhelmed, and you may think that I have no idea what I am talking about, and that you don't even believe in God. I don't have all of the answers but I know that God does, and there is no one better than him to trust in. No one more encouraging or uplifting--not even my Grandma!
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Old 02-19-2012, 08:28 PM   #6
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

No judgement here. I have a nonverbal sn kiddo who is also sick and has been hitting me nonstop because he is in pain. For the hour preceding bedtime I finally hid from him (I could see him but he couldn't see me) because I was so fed up and couldn't cope. He hits a lot when he is in pain. Fortunately my son is able to point at a communication board and tell me he is in pain and where but it doesn't stop the hitting and tantrums.

Sometimes special needs parents need to be a little selfish. If you sacrifice everything you will have nothing left to give so don't feel too guilty about doing what you need to cope and get through another day.
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Old 02-20-2012, 09:41 AM   #7
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Old 02-20-2012, 09:54 AM   #8
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

I think we all feel that way sometimes. There are many days when I wonder if I was the right parent for my kids. Not that I don't love them, I do... just on the bad days you sometimes wonder... would someone else have done this better? I hope your son is feeling better soon. And that today is a better day all around.
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Old 02-20-2012, 04:47 PM   #9
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Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a SN mom

Thanks for all the support ladies! It means a lot to me
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