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Old 03-02-2012, 03:35 PM   #1
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It seems i'm a horrible person

My college roommate, that I love even though we are separated by 3000 miles including an ocean, just gave birth to twins. Now I'm a crying mess. I am happy for her, but also kind of hate her. She gets to have two beautiful, squishy babies and I get to have lots of fertility drugs followed by a miscarriage. I hate myself for being such a self-centered basket case.
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Old 03-02-2012, 03:46 PM   #2
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

I don't think you're horrible at all - I think that is totally and completely normal. When I lost DS1 I completely felt negative toward ANYONE that had a baby when I had lost mine, especially towards anyone that had a baby when I was supposed to have DS1. Also, I helped with an adoption for a lady that had gone through menopause at 20 and she had 5 sisters and she told me that when her sisters called with the "I'm pregnant" news then she would say Congratulations and then get off and cry - and those were her sisters!
You're not being self-centered at all, you're just sad at what life has given you and there is nothing wrong with that. Sending hugs and blessings :-)
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Old 03-02-2012, 04:29 PM   #3
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

I hear ya - oh do I ever. My DD is just a couple months younger than yours, and I've had 2 losses (1 a chemical) over the last year.

You are NOT horrible. Those feelings are normal. My SIL (who herself had 2 losses last year) is 15 weeks pregnant, and while I'm happy for her, I'm also really jealous. I sobbed for the whole day after they announced. Not that I am not excited and happy for her - I'm just sad for myself, and I want it so badly.
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Old 03-02-2012, 04:52 PM   #4
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

Be gentle with yourself. If you're horrible, then I think every woman on this section of the board must be as well... so you're in good company. One of my close friends had a son the month that DD1 was due, and I'm sooo grateful that she lives on the other side of the country so I never have to see him.

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Old 04-02-2012, 01:42 PM   #5
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

I used to work in the medical field when I was doing fertility with my 1st and I used to see tons of teenage girls who had no idea what a blessing they were given mistreating their babies or their own bodies when they were prego. It used to make me angry but you just have to keep faith. I did fertility for 5 years before my 1st baby and did fertility for my first 3 babies and then got surprised by 2 more blessings even after I stopped fertility so it will happen. Now everyone thinks I'm crazy cause I had so many kids. So if I can go from no kids to 5 in less then 9 years- anything is possible (:
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Old 04-02-2012, 01:50 PM   #6
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

You are not at all a bad person mama. Many things trigger us for different reasons based on our past and personal experiences.

I am sorry that this is causing you pain. hugs.
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Old 04-02-2012, 07:47 PM   #7
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

I think it's completely normal to feel that way. After I lost baby Sterling, I am such a bitter person when someone announces a pregnancy I am happy for them, but I can't stop the deep sadness I feel for myself. Chin up! Your turn is here!
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Old 04-03-2012, 09:54 PM   #8
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Edensmomma View Post
I think it's completely normal to feel that way. After I lost baby Sterling, I am such a bitter person when someone announces a pregnancy I am happy for them, but I can't stop the deep sadness I feel for myself. Chin up! Your turn is here!
Absolutely agree with this. After my most recent loss, I just can't even look at anything close to squishy....
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Old 08-29-2012, 05:48 AM   #9
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

I agree with one of the PP that said if you are horrible then we all are on this section of the boards. I've had 3 m/c's and a stillborn and through all of those, people I know and family have announced pregnancies or had babies. I cried, felt bitter, jealous or whatever other emotion I possibly could. Take care of yourself, cry, journal or do whatever you need to do to take care of YOU!
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Old 08-29-2012, 06:26 AM   #10
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Re: It seems i'm a horrible person

Wait a second! Check out the dates on this thread- I think the OP is having twins!!!!
Congrats!
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