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Old 03-30-2012, 09:07 AM   #1
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Letter to vistors after birth

Hi all!

I am hoping you can help or pass on some wisdom. I came across a post that had a link to a letter to visitors to give space and let new mama and baby rest after birth a midwife had written and it was great. Has anyone seen this or similar? Ways to keep the visitors away so I can heal and bond with baby?

We are having a quiet small birth this time. Just DH, our kids 13,11 & 2, our wonderful midwife and her asst. I have asked everyone else to stay away till we call them but they didn't respect our wishes at the last birth and I am trying to avoid the situation as well as the hurt feelings this time.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:59 AM   #2
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Just don't tell them you had the baby
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Old 03-30-2012, 10:03 AM   #3
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

or don't answer the door/phone?
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:36 AM   #4
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Both ideas have crossed our minds!!!

This is the rest of the story, its a bit long sorry!!!

Previous 3 labors and births were durning the day and average 5 hours no meds or interventions. They are hard, fast marathons! (Not going to lie they hurt too).

We are having a home birth this time, our in-laws will be living 100 ft away in our rental house so there is no avoiding them. Our house is tiny, the only place for birthing pool is in the middle of the living room in full view of the front door or the back yard. I'm sure labor would stall and possibly become complicated if drama broke out. Posting the notice includes everyone so she cant say we left her out and avoids intruptions. My family has also been asked to stay away to avoid the but her family was there comments. We have already warned our MW but I dont think it fair for her to be a bouncer as well. Hiring a doula is out because insurance isnt covering the birth.

We actually had to refuse to tell MIL where the birth center was located for our last birth because she didn't understand it wasn't a hospital full of people and waiting rooms. We came home 3 hours later and they got to see the baby. the only thing she said was how disappointed and hurt she was that I took away her birth experience. Sorry lady but you didn't just give birth I did!!!get over it!!!!! ( sorry sore spot for me) DH was horrified that she said that but it happens every time over the last two years she cant guilt us into doing things her way.

I really want to be honest with her about our families birth choices so we can educate her but I dont think she will listen and then say something horrid and I will chew her out. I sooo don't want to do that.

I know I am being a complete wimp at the moment and but would it totally horrid to let inlaws think we are going back to the birth center? It avoids all the drama and conflict. Midwives make house calls so it wouldn't be odd for her to come to the house. okay I know totally wrong, darn

They are welcome to visit a bit just the next day and please bring good health, smiles, food, wine or a good book!!! We won't be going anywhere the first week or so.
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:48 AM   #5
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Sounds like she wouldn't read what was in the letter anyway. If i were you I would get DH to have a very blunt chat with her and say that this is your baby and not her's and that she needs to respect the whole families (as in you, DH and kids) wishes and stay away until she is called to visit. Tell her that you will lock the door and pull the curtains.

I think you have to be blunt in these situations, otherwise you'll end up not getting what you need, which is more important. good luck
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:57 AM   #6
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda+2 View Post

I think you have to be blunt in these situations, otherwise you'll end up not getting what you need, which is more important. good luck
I agree! It is hard to be blunt (I was not and wish I was!) that is the only way some people get it
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:05 PM   #7
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

you own the house right...she likes living so close, yes? Sounds like she needs a reality check...but i know that's easier said than done.

Wouldn't she just assume the midwife was a friend visiting? Or does she invite herself over when company is there?

Honestly, if it were my mom or MIL they would assume the letter was not for them, it was for other friends or the mail carrier, etc...

The way i see it, you have two choices. Tell her in advance (have DH do this) that you plan to birth at home and cannot have ANY distractions or visitors during this hard working time. You and DH, as well as your midwife will need to have your full attention on the labor and having other company can cause complications b/c you can't focus as well.

OR you can say you are planning on going to a birth center and IF she comes over during labor, turn her away at the door...
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Old 03-30-2012, 01:42 PM   #8
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Do what I'm doing for my mom & MIL and pretty much anyone outside of my DF, kids, MW, and doula: Lock the door. I'm not telling anyone when I go into labor. And I don't plan on telling anyone they are ok to come visit for a day or so. My birth, my house, my wishes.
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:33 PM   #9
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Thanks mamas!!! I will have DH sort it out with her. As well as come up with a backup plan or two
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:01 PM   #10
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Re: Letter to vistors after birth

I am very sorry you have to deal with people that don't respect your wishes as a family. Espeically mothers and MIL.

I would just be very blunt with them. If they get their feeling hurt, tough.
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