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Old 05-23-2012, 04:05 PM   #1
JaylasMommy
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I'm furious.

First, I need cooled down. I know that tomorrow is going to be very ugly if I don't. Second, I need to know if I am handling things right.

Here's the situation. When my daughter, J, got off the bus, she ran up to me and said "Mommy, did my teacher call you? Because I accidentally kicked someone and she said I called her 'stinky.'" I addressed the situation by explaining to J that she can NOT kick people and call people names. She got home, wrote an apology letter and wrote "I will not kick people" and "I will not call people names" five times each. That was her punishment. She understands why she was wrong, or at least she claims she does.
My dad picked J up from the bus yesterday and apparently she got off the bus crying. It seems this is more than just a one-time-my-daughter-is-being-mean thing. J isn't the type of child to be malicious just because, you know? So, I asked WHY this is happening. Apparently, the little girl, E, is being just as mean and nasty to her. J is very easily hurt by others who tend to think they are 'better' or 'prettier' than her, when they exclude her from things, and tell her they aren't her friend. These girls are 5, so I am sure I am missing the WHOLE story. [Quite frankly, as her mom, I can't imagine she kicked the little girl to just be mean. That's NOT her nature. SOMETHING pushed her to do that.]
THEN J tells me that E's mother got on the bus this morning YELLING at her. Ok. WHAT?!? NO ONE IS YELLING AT MY CHILD. Not even I do things like that. I am furious about THIS more than anything.

Tomorrow, I won't be letting J ride the bus to school. I'm taking her, and speaking to her principal and telling him about what E's mother did. I will be asking to have a meeting to have him explain to her that she can't climb aboard the bus yelling at another student, no matter what she did to her child. She should have called the school. Second, I want to know the other side of the story, and would appreciate if the principal arranged a meeting for me and E's mother to sit with both girls to find out what is going on.
I think this is fairly reasonable.

On the other hand, I want to go punch this lady in the face for doing that to my child. But, I won't. That's wrong.

And, I am going to be talking to J's pediatrician as well about getting her evaluated and into some form of counseling. This isn't the first time I've heard about her doing something like this, but the other time she was being picked on as well.

Things like this make me wish I could home school her.

Last edited by JaylasMommy; 05-23-2012 at 04:06 PM.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:13 PM   #2
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That's horrible. I would definitely talk to the principal. Maybe call the teacher to see if she has a more unbiased story. If this behavior really only comes out when your daughter is being bullied then it's more than likely the case now. And as for the other mom getting on the bus to yell at her?? Psh. She'd be meeting the flat end of my fist and fast. There is no reason that behavior could possibly be construed as acceptable. But it may give you a bit of inside as to how her daughter behaves...
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:13 PM   #3
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Your plan with the principal sounds about right. I think it is perfectly reasonable. And if it's any consolation I'm right with you on having the first instinct to go rip that lady a new one.

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Last edited by Angel89411; 05-23-2012 at 04:34 PM.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:21 PM   #4
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Re: I'm furious.

I'd get the bus driver's take as well, and also would demand to know WHY a mother was allowed on the bus in the first place to address my child!! I'd be going after the bus driver for NOT calling the school and reporting the incident after I got done with the out-of-line mom.

Also, I'm sure you've thought of this, but I would NOT share your concern that your daughter may benefit from counseling with the other mom. No need to load her up with ammo to claim her child was faultless and your daughter was at fault, unless that is genuinely the case (and even so, her actions were out of line!). You already know the mom doesn't think/behave rationally.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:21 PM   #5
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Re: I'm furious.

One year, I had a daycare dad want to come inside my house... no problem, everybody walks in. But, then he said "Which one is John?" I could tell by his voice he was mad at John for something. So, I tried to block him and get his girls to leave right now.

Dad wanted to "talk" to John because his daughter told him John said bad words to her, and tried to kiss her.

First, there is ABSOLUTELY ZERO chance of John ever, ever saying a bad word. I would bet my life on this. Second, I wasn't going to allow a 250lb red haired man "talk" to a four year old. What was he thinking???

I was SO, so, mad. I have never been so angry in my life. He caused a huge problem for me. I did have another parent to back me up and agree that John would not ever use bad language and he was extremely respectful of the space of others. I highly doubt he would do any of the things his daughter said he had.

So, I said "Sorry... either M lied, or you misunderstood her". He was furious that I said she would lie.

Fortunately M caved in and admitted she lied. She said she lied because her dad caught her trying to kiss her dolls, and he instantly assumed she "learned it from daycare". SO, she threw poor John under the bus.

Once Dad and I had it out, we never had any other issues again, but it was very tense for a while.

You have every right to confront the Mom about her behavior. Your daughter was upset and crying because of what the mom did.


*****************

Other side of the coin though. I had another daycare boy who was getting picked on by a kid in 5th grade.... all my daycare kids said that it was true. V was hitting Chris every day after school. The school's solution was for Chris to go out a door that was 1/2 block farther away from my house. (another blame the victim) So, I went up to the school, stood near the exit, and watched.... sure enough V got him in a neck hold and threw him on the sidewalk, then danced around him like he was ready for a fight, while he was still on the ground.

I walked up and whispered a threat in V's ear. I'm not proud of what I said...and I couldn't have backed it up. But, I did it. It worked. I might do something similar again.

It's hard to be a parent, or in charge of someone, and see (or think) they are being victimized and not do something about it.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:26 PM   #6
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Good luck trying to get anything done. A child choked my son on the bus to the point of him turning blue and no one did anything. I was in the principal's office more times than you can count and I told them if they wouldn't keep my son safe, I would homeschool. They didn't, so now I am.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:29 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivhop98 View Post
Good luck trying to get anything done. A child choked my son on the bus to the point of him turning blue and no one did anything. I was in the principal's office more times than you can count and I told them if they wouldn't keep my son safe, I would homeschool. They didn't, so now I am.
I don't mean to derail, but did you involve the police? I would have no problem at all involving the police, even if the person doing the bullying was a minor.
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:59 PM   #8
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I don't mean to derail, but did you involve the police? I would have no problem at all involving the police, even if the person doing the bullying was a minor.
No, we didn't involve the police. I didn't even know the choking occured until weeks after it happened, because my son wouldn't tell anyone; he just started acting different. The principal acted like there wasn't much he could do as the bus isn't technically school. I did involve the bus driver first, but he was so nonchalent about everything and wouldn't consider a seating chart for the younger kids. He said it was too much work.
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Old 05-25-2012, 09:29 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Vivhop98 View Post
No, we didn't involve the police. I didn't even know the choking occured until weeks after it happened, because my son wouldn't tell anyone; he just started acting different. The principal acted like there wasn't much he could do as the bus isn't technically school. I did involve the bus driver first, but he was so nonchalent about everything and wouldn't consider a seating chart for the younger kids. He said it was too much work.
Things do happen on our bus....but...they take it very seriously if there are incidents. You would get banned from the bus and need to walk/drive if something really serious happened. One day there was a fight and the school bus went back to the school.
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Old 05-29-2012, 09:36 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivhop98

No, we didn't involve the police. I didn't even know the choking occured until weeks after it happened, because my son wouldn't tell anyone; he just started acting different. The principal acted like there wasn't much he could do as the bus isn't technically school. I did involve the bus driver first, but he was so nonchalent about everything and wouldn't consider a seating chart for the younger kids. He said it was too much work.
That was the thing about our school. From the moment you stepped on grounds until the moment you stepped onto your property, it was school business. A couple of kids got in a fight across the street and teachers ran over, broke it up and they were suspended. It may not have always been practical or easy to enforce but a lot of kids (middle and high school) went home to empty houses so this was as much as the school could help. But if you were gonna fight, you better go drop your stuff at home first!

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