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Old 06-19-2012, 01:26 PM   #1
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I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

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Help!
I don't want to be this type of parent!

My five year old has such severe behavior issues, I have another thread about that. Long story short is we are waiting on an evaluation for psych/behavior. We have even had some case workers/specialists/whatnot that see kids like him everyday for years tell us HE IS AN EXTREME.

My two year old has discovered he is two. Not that any child cannot be into everything, scaling furniture, destruction, making mischief, and basic wreaking havoc, but he has entered into that "I am two I am going to be WILD!" phase. Not really even naughty, just EVERYWHERE. At once.

My two and five year old are constantly at odds. They strategically find ways to hurt each other and cause chaos.

My 8 month old can now pull herself to standing against furniture. She crawls, she picks up things and eats them. And she no longer wishes to stay put for very long. Even when nursing.

I feel like I just chase kids, yell at kids, turn around and yell at another one, pick up a mess, go do three dishes in the sink, yell at a kid, pick up three more messes, sit down with my head in my hands, yell at a kid that is doing the exact thing he did earlier, get up just in time to watch another mess happen, rescue the baby from kids/furniture/Legos/herself, yell at a kid, put four pieces of clean laundry away, yell at kids trying to steal food....
you get it.

I don't like yelling. And yelling doesn't seem to make a damn difference anyway. I haven't found ANYTHING that redirects the kids well. It makes me want to hide on the computer, which makes me ignore the kids and they get into even more things.
It isn't that my house isn't child proofed either. Yes, we could improve, but my kids are CRAZY. They can cause utter destruction with a pen, a cracker, or a rubber ball. They have destroyed undestructible items. They are just.that.good.

My kids infuriate me so bad sometimes I literally cannot function. I sometimes wish I could just take frustration out on them (I don't, but I wish I didn't want to, either!) I am tense and grumpy a lot these days and it comes out on Sam too.


How can I learn to be a gentle, calm Mama?
How can I efficiently redirect my children BEFORE they are out of control?
What types of "tricks" do you hold up your sleeve to distract your children when they are looking for mischief?
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Last edited by GreenHome Sewing; 07-18-2012 at 10:31 AM.
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Old 06-19-2012, 01:35 PM   #2
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

I found a really good book that really helped me. I tend to be a yeller by nature but knew that's not effective and not good for the kiddos so I read http://www.google.com/products/catal...ed=0CG4Q8wIwAw

and I am also going to start Discipline: Getting it right for you and your child
http://www.google.com/products/catal...ed=0CFwQ8wIwAA

Good luck, being a parent is very hard sometimes!
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:01 PM   #3
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

Hugs, that sounds so stressful! I have found not only with kids but any time you need toget a persons attention it actually helps to talk very quietly. Obviously that won't work if they are across the room or about to get hurt but talking in a low calm serious voice will often get a good result.
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:13 PM   #4
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

our family is very loud we all like to be center of attention so we all talk at the same time and try to talk above the other. Which ends in yelling. So now we all try to take turns talking. We all have alot of energy too. We try to go outside as much as possible to get all the crazies out lol. Then when you're inside its calm time. Maybe try some quiet activities like puzzles, coloring, painting, reading books, legos, playdough. You are not the only one who feels like they yell all time. I hope it gets better! and you start to feel better about it too!
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:36 PM   #5
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

The older 2 sound just like my 2 and I'm seriously dreading adding another. My oldest is SN and his brother imitates a lot of his negative behavior, too.

It's like they can never just play calmly or nicely and and without destroying things and fighting. If I take time to do dishes they've caused an even bigger mess elsewhere and by the time that mess is clean there are 10 more. (Along with about 10 boo boos because somebody can't stop tormenting the other) If I try to get them to help clean it just ends up an even bigger mess with them fighting about something. I'm so ready to buy 2 large dog cages so I can get stuff done in peace I seriously understand the being so frustrated you just want to give up.
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:40 PM   #6
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Have you thought about going to a doctor for you? They can help. Take the edge off of everything. I was where you were and it takes a lot of counting a good hormone balance and some me time.

Good luck!
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Old 06-19-2012, 03:43 PM   #7
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

didnt read thru all the responses but i think it is important that YOU take care of yourself amidst all this hard work. taking some time off, getting some help at the house, taking a break from the kids (even a small one) to refresh yourself is really important in order to maintain your own sanity. a support group for parents of special needs children would be another great option.
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Old 06-19-2012, 03:44 PM   #8
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

I wish I had advice, but I am guilty of yelling too much too.
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Old 06-19-2012, 03:56 PM   #9
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

Mama
I didn't read the responses but some things that come to mind.... have you tried any of these, or do you think they would help?
*group stretching in the mornings, you and all 3 kids on the floor doing stretches together, if they are co-operative maybe add in jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups?
*have the boys spend some time apart from each other, seperate rooms if possible. maybe they are spending too much time together?
*I would give the boys chores. my kids are 5 and 3 and LOVE doing chores. they fight over them actually.
*have a specific time during the day when all 3 kids sit at the table to do something together, like play doh or bean counting/measuring, some game?

That might not be helpful but and best wishes anyway Mama, I hope it gets better soon!
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Old 06-19-2012, 04:46 PM   #10
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Re: I yell at my kids so much I get head aches!

We whisper at my house. Whatever I want to say in a yelling voice I do it in a whisper. My kids respond to it very well. I also get my face close to them and at eye level.
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