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Old 07-04-2012, 03:43 PM   #1
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lying to your kids....

Yep, I'm one of those horrible moms that will lie to my kids to keep the peace over small things. well, according to my sisters I'm a horrible mom, DH agrees with what I've lied about and a recent little white lie was admired & actually borrowed by a few friends

Case at hand...we're in the middle of a horrible heat-wave (obviously, isn't everybody??) Every year, there's a little carnival that goes on in our town for a few days around the 4th of July. The rides are crappy, the carnies are RUDE (a couple years ago DS was the ONLY child on a ride that was easily stopped, it was kinda like a carousel but with cars instead of animals, he started freaking out, I asked the guy to just stop the ride so we could get DS off, the dude LAUGED and sped it up...our kid was so scared he came off the ride crying so hard he was puking), they've raised the prices ridiculously this year ($20 for 22 tickets and each ride takes 4-5 tickets, or $45 for ONE armband), the kids freak out & get overwhelmed at it every year, etc. Our kids are still small--6yo, 4yo, and 9 months old...obviously the 9 month old isn't riding anything...they have approx. 3 rides that our 6yo and 4yo can go on, armbands/tickets do not work for games. The kids saw the carnival because its in a park right across from the grocery store we use. They asked about going, I told them "no, its too hot"...they started whining "its NOT too hot, I LOVE the carnival" etc. So I told them that they cancelled the carnival because its too hot. Now, TONS of stuff around here has been cancelled because of the heat, including the kids' tball games, fireworks in a lot of towns, etc...so when they heard that, they dropped the whining/begging to go. Asked if the carnies were camping at the park & I said "sure, maybe". If I had just said "no, its too hot" I would have been listening to whining for days (yep, I'll admit it, my kids are whiny brats like that). Much easier to tell a little white lie. We promised to take them to the state fair at the beginning of September when its cooler (and we will, we won't make up some excuse not to go lol)

DH says its like telling them about the easter bunny or something similar when they're little...Horrible of me? No? Anybody else done anything similar & want to share?

ETA: Cost is not the reason we aren't taking the kids--its solely based off of the heat. Both of our older kids are the type that get overheated easily, then get pukey. I just mentioned cost to kinda show how crappy the carnival is in general. The state fair we're going to in September is a little less expensive and there are more rides, so it *is* a better value....main reason we're doing that one instead though is because its cooler outside by then.
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Old 07-04-2012, 03:57 PM   #2
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Re: lying to your kids....

I don't lie to my kids. There are several reasons, the first being my faith, which states that we're not supposed to "bear false witness", and I believe that to include white lies as well. I also think it sets the parents up for failure. You may have control over this situation, but what if you pass by the carnival when it's open? What if they talk to other kids that went? You will loose your credibility. In their little minds when they have caught you lying before, they will believe that you will do it again and they will question things when you tell them stuff. I want my kids to believe that we can have an open and honest line of communication. Also, if you lie to your kids...what do you say when they lie to you? It too double standard for me. It's like telling your kids they can't have a candy bar, because it's bad for you, and then sitting right in front of them to eat one. In this situation, I would tell my kids that it is too hot. If we could go swimming or something else fun I would tell them that. Otherwise, I would tell them it's too hot, and maybe next year. We don't have a huge whiney problem around here so that wouldn't be an issue. For the record, we also don't do the Easter bunny or santa or anything. I want my kids to be able to know without a shadow of a doubt that I respect them and I will only tell them the truth, even if it's hard. And I expect the same from them.

I don't mean to sound like a big downer and I realize that everyone parents differently. What you tell your kids is up to you, and is no issue of mine. I don't judge other parents on their parenting decisions, that is not my place. This is just personally how I feel for my family.
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Old 07-04-2012, 04:06 PM   #3
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Re: lying to your kids....

I used to tell my stepkids that carrots and broccoli where power sticks so they'd eat them. When they first came to live w/ us (at 2&3) they'd no clue what veggies besides canned corn or peas where, so even the carrots would freak them out.
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:39 PM   #4
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Re: lying to your kids....

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
I don't lie to my kids. There are several reasons, the first being my faith, which states that we're not supposed to "bear false witness", and I believe that to include white lies as well. I also think it sets the parents up for failure. You may have control over this situation, but what if you pass by the carnival when it's open? What if they talk to other kids that went? You will loose your credibility. In their little minds when they have caught you lying before, they will believe that you will do it again and they will question things when you tell them stuff. I want my kids to believe that we can have an open and honest line of communication. Also, if you lie to your kids...what do you say when they lie to you? It too double standard for me. It's like telling your kids they can't have a candy bar, because it's bad for you, and then sitting right in front of them to eat one. In this situation, I would tell my kids that it is too hot. If we could go swimming or something else fun I would tell them that. Otherwise, I would tell them it's too hot, and maybe next year. We don't have a huge whiney problem around here so that wouldn't be an issue. For the record, we also don't do the Easter bunny or santa or anything. I want my kids to be able to know without a shadow of a doubt that I respect them and I will only tell them the truth, even if it's hard. And I expect the same from them.

I don't mean to sound like a big downer and I realize that everyone parents differently. What you tell your kids is up to you, and is no issue of mine. I don't judge other parents on their parenting decisions, that is not my place. This is just personally how I feel for my family.
I agree with almost all of this. I would have straight up told them though that it was too expensive.
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:58 PM   #5
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Re: lying to your kids....

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Originally Posted by Erinne View Post
My dd loves the "music truck" that drives around and plays music for us all to enjoy. She has no idea that it also sells ice cream, hahaha! She also thinks the pool is only open 2x/week. Some kids are just better at accepting "no" than others, and my dd is one who would cry and beg forever, so I just lie.
^this. Every parent parents differently, some children have a hard time accepting no, and sometimes sanity is just a momma need. That sad, I flat out tell my kids the truth, they wanted to ride a carnival ride and I told them there was a bat's chance in a Florida hurricane that we could afford that, so we went to PetSmart and looked at the animals instead.

My husband is the same way...except a little harsher at times "Dad why don't we talk to you momma like we talk to yai yai (my mom)?" deadpan my husband says "Because my mom's a B(insert all of the word)" While I facepalm and wonder what I SHOULD say without undermining my husband, my 4 year old didn't skip a beat "That is too bad for her....I am awesome"
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:05 AM   #6
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Re: lying to your kids....

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Originally Posted by jefesita View Post
I agree with almost all of this. I would have straight up told them though that it was too expensive.
But if you were the OP that would be a lie, as she said the cost was not the real issue.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:41 PM   #7
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Re: lying to your kids....

[QUOTE=jen_batten;15351367] I don't lie to my kids. [QUOTE]

I know a few people said this, so this wasnt to single you out Jenn, but I do not think this is true in the slightest for anyone with children. The truth being bent could be seen as "lying", misreprenting (knowingly) could mean "lying"
I dunno, I just found myself rolling my eyes at this post.
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:04 AM   #8
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Re: lying to your kids....

[QUOTE=TwinMommaplus2;15357586][QUOTE=jen_batten;15351367] I don't lie to my kids.
Quote:

I know a few people said this, so this wasnt to single you out Jenn, but I do not think this is true in the slightest for anyone with children. The truth being bent could be seen as "lying", misreprenting (knowingly) could mean "lying"
I dunno, I just found myself rolling my eyes at this post.
Well... I said I don't intend to lie to them...(leaving room for my own imperfections and that I might do so unintentionally.) But I do try very hard not to lie to them because I do not think lying is right even if it seems like it would just be easier to lie to avoid other issues like whining and begging (which, IMO, need to be dealt with.) I guess I'm not really sure what you mean by bending the truth and if something is really lying, I would like to avoid it.
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Old 07-06-2012, 05:08 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by jen_batten
I don't lie to my kids. There are several reasons, the first being my faith, which states that we're not supposed to "bear false witness", and I believe that to include white lies as well. I also think it sets the parents up for failure. You may have control over this situation, but what if you pass by the carnival when it's open? What if they talk to other kids that went? You will loose your credibility. In their little minds when they have caught you lying before, they will believe that you will do it again and they will question things when you tell them stuff. I want my kids to believe that we can have an open and honest line of communication. Also, if you lie to your kids...what do you say when they lie to you? It too double standard for me. It's like telling your kids they can't have a candy bar, because it's bad for you, and then sitting right in front of them to eat one. In this situation, I would tell my kids that it is too hot. If we could go swimming or something else fun I would tell them that. Otherwise, I would tell them it's too hot, and maybe next year. We don't have a huge whiney problem around here so that wouldn't be an issue. For the record, we also don't do the Easter bunny or santa or anything. I want my kids to be able to know without a shadow of a doubt that I respect them and I will only tell them the truth, even if it's hard. And I expect the same from them.

I don't mean to sound like a big downer and I realize that everyone parents differently. What you tell your kids is up to you, and is no issue of mine. I don't judge other parents on their parenting decisions, that is not my place. This is just personally how I feel for my family.
Did not read all the responses but this is exactly us too. And yes, we do not do Santa or Easter Bunny either.
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Old 07-06-2012, 05:18 PM   #10
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Re: lying to your kids....

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i cannot say i NEVER say little lies to my kids ex: vitamins are candy ect...but but when it comes to something that i know could potentially be let out of the bag and my children would be very dissapointed i really try to be honest. now since then every year during fair time my daughter reminds me of when i lied to her. and that really makes me feel crappy. mistake i made that i wont make again. one argument i will make tho is that im sure most of the parents who say they NEVER lie to their children still have santa come at xmas and the easter bunny at easter...isnt that a lie? but one we cherish to make every year to see the looks on their faces of pure joy? when i was 12 and learned santa/easter bunny didnt exist i did not resent my parents for "lying" but happy they kept it alive in me for so long
you tell your kids that vitamins are candy? Don't you worry that if they found the whole bottle...and chose to eat the "candy"? Just wondering....
And no, I never lie (not on purpose or that I can ever remember) and I don't tell my kids about Santa, or the Easter Bunny, etc...oh, well I tell them about them, like how Winnie the Pooh is a character, Santa is a character that represents Christmas for some people, etc.
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