Child Support Plus Extras

[5PrincessMommy]

I have a question/want opinions.

Dh has a son, and he lives with his mom in California. Dh/I pay child support every month. She texted me today asking if I (she is asking me b/c I'm the money maker, dh is a sahd) could get step son some football stuff. Apparently dh's parents already got him football stuff, but she said he needs more. She is asking for under armour compression shorts and tops, football socks, sweatbands, and a sports store gift card. She also asked if we could get him dental insurance in the same text. Actually, first she asked me to send more money, but then right after sent a text "or, if you could just buy him..." (good choice on her part, lol).

Ok, now, I really dislike this girl, so it's hard for me to want to do anything she asks. But, for the sake of the step son I'll do my best. But it's like she thinks I'm made of money, and it bugs me. I have 5 other kids to provide for, besides the fact that I did not birth this kid.

I do not buy new clothing for my girls. I won't say NEVER, but 99% of the time it's used. If they need something specific, I'll try to find it used first. Anyway, considering I don't even buy my girls new, would it be okay to buy him this stuff used? I know she will not like it, b/c that's how she is. But I feel like, beggars can't be choosers, so she should just accept it and say thank you. I did find the under armour compression shorts for 3.50 at savers today. So, should I just go ahead and send them? I just told her "I'll see what I can do" and left it at that.

Also, it bugs me b/c she KNEW about football for months and months. Never mentioned him needing anything. Now all the sudden he needs stuff. I could have been scouting for deals for months now. It also bugs me that she asks ME and not dh.

So....what do you think? Okay to send used?

[AbbieJack]

I think you need to suck it up. Not trying to be mean mamma! Your Dh has a son and he has to provide for him. Ya'll have made the decisions for your Dh to be a SAHD. So you have taken on all of his financial responsibility . I would not send used . Your step son has the right to new things if that is what he needs . Under armor gets pretty nasty I personally would be skeeved out by used .

[5PrincessMommy]

Originally Posted by AbbieJack I think you need to suck it up. Not trying to be mean mamma! Your Dh has a son and he has to provide for him. Ya'll have made the decisions for your Dh to be a SAHD. So you have taken on all of his financial responsibility . I would not send used . Your step son has the right to new things if that is what he needs . Under armor gets pretty nasty I personally would be skeeved out by used .

well, not really my first choice for dh to be a sahd, but it is the way it is b.c of certain choices he made and me being the one with a degree/career, blah blah, lot of resentment on my end about that....

the shorts I found look perfectly fine. I guess the way I see it, if I'd get if for my girls used, why can't I get it for him used?

No work over summer (teacher), so been living off of my ebay money. Won't get my first paycheck til september, yadi yadi. BUT if I would have known about this I could have planned for it/budgeted for it months ago.

Now underwear and socks (although I know nothing about football socks or what they even look like) I buy the girls new, so I would buy those things new (but she didn't ask for undies but you get my point).

[Alaga]

I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner...

OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her?

I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!

[5PrincessMommy]

Originally Posted by Alaga I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner... OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her? I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!

Yes we buy new for bdays. In fact his bday is the 13th, and we already have stuff in the amazon cart to send him, but then she asked for this stuff, so now have an extra expense to budget in...

[tusheez]

What does your DH say. I would price the stuff on line and send her a check and ask her to mail you a receipt so you can see she bought the stuff for him. or buy the stuff yourself and mail to him. As far as dental insurance I think its a rip off. I would just get her to tell you where he will go to the dentist and you can pay over the phone half of the bill. Just tell her to let you know a few months in advance when his appointment will be so you can plan. Child support can be tough. I know alot of moms who get cs and don't use if towards the children then they are always asking for more money.

[crazyeyesmcgee]

Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy Yes we buy new for bdays. In fact his bday is the 13th, and we already have stuff in the amazon cart to send him, but then she asked for this stuff, so now have an extra expense to budget in...

Can you just get him the stuff new as his b-day present?

[Sha-nanagins]

Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy Yes we buy new for bdays. In fact his bday is the 13th, and we already have stuff in the amazon cart to send him, but then she asked for this stuff, so now have an extra expense to budget in...

I think if I were you, I would dump the stuff already in the Amazon cart and replace it with a comparable amount of football gear. OF course, after reading further that he has already been given 2 sets of gear, I'd tell mom to get them herself if she's not willing to wash/clean the gear he already has.

And, if dental insurance is not included in the health care plan you already provided, it's on mom to get the insurance (though, depending on the support order wording, you may have to cover part of any necessary medical OR dental expenses not covered by insurance).

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by Alaga I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner... OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her? I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!

This.

Treat him like you treat your daughters. If they'd get used, he gets used.

Treat them all the same and that's the best, IMO

[MarieSeeking]

You pay support so his mom can support him....beyond that, you are obligated to do what you want/can. If you can't, you can't. She should have told you month's ago she would need all this. I would find what I could on the cheap and ask her to get the rest.

What does the divorce decree say about dental insurance? Who is supposed to provide it?