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Old 08-24-2012, 11:11 AM   #1
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How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

My DH is the type who will be sitting with me on the couch while I'm folding laundry and not offer to help with it. We're pretty good at splitting the big duties taking care of our DS (almost 4 months old!), but I find that I'm still the one doing all the little things (watering the plants, running laundry, taking care of the cats, paying bills) while DH watches TV or plays computer games. If I ask him to help, he'll usually do it, but sometimes will grumble, and I'm sick of having to ask.

Do you all have any tips for how to get DH or partner to help out more? I know I will always do the brunt of the day-to-day things because that's the way I am and he's often just oblivious to what needs to get done, but I want to get his help without having to nag!!

Should I build a schedule - so every day there a couple of small tasks that he knows he should help with?
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:17 AM   #2
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

yeah, that's my DH too.
I ended up being a nag and I get really frustrated because I often have to end up in tears before he'll do something without me asking. I've tried a chore list but he thinks it's silly.

I've started to resign myself to the fact that I will just have to do everything -- and really I'll do it better anyway -- vs him doing it and then me having to redo it anyway. I know that sounds anal but there are a lot of things that do choose to let go.
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:21 AM   #3
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

Mine I told can make dinner. I don't like to do. I give list to bring stuff up. I tell y oldest to fold a basket of stuff she can do. Put away & take up clothes..... I have same. Mine knows to mow in summer & his task...cooking now, & dishes.....
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:22 AM   #4
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

Tell me if you find out. Are we secretly married to the same man? :P I just have accepted the fact I have to tell him what I need done.
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:41 AM   #5
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

Treat him like a child. He's probably clueless on when you need help. DH assumed I could do everything by myself all the time, so he hardly pitched in. Now, on top of the assigned tasks like mowing and weed whacking, I will specifically ask him to do certain things daily.
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Old 08-24-2012, 06:02 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by keonli
Treat him like a child. He's probably clueless on when you need help.
This was my DH. He literally cannot see the 1,474 things that need doing on any given day/weeknight.
I finally realized 2 things:
1. I actually have to tell him. DO THIS. Do it while we are upstairs doing bath/bedtime. Then he's like, oh you're right, there ARE three days of dishes in the sink
2. He responds well to lists. I have secretly (and unscientifically) diagnosed him as having a slight auditory processing problem. If i write it down, he gets it.

And he realized something too: helping out means a less frazzled wife with more energy later in the evening if you catch my drift. I hVe no problem saying, no, i ran my tail off all day while you watched tv. I am tired leave me alone! He will go out of his way to prevent that
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:42 AM   #7
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't make a list comparing what he does and what you do with the amount of time spent doing each and then show who has more free time. They don't like that.
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:53 AM   #8
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

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Originally Posted by wlillie View Post
I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't make a list comparing what he does and what you do with the amount of time spent doing each and then show who has more free time. They don't like that.
I am sorry but this made me LOL....did you do this???? yeah that would totally not work out well with my hubby either. After 10 years of marriage, I got him right where I want him regarding being hands on around the house, but I definitely would never have tried this tactic. I cant imagine that would go over well for any spouse.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:29 PM   #9
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

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Originally Posted by doodah View Post
I am sorry but this made me LOL....did you do this???? yeah that would totally not work out well with my hubby either. After 10 years of marriage, I got him right where I want him regarding being hands on around the house, but I definitely would never have tried this tactic. I cant imagine that would go over well for any spouse.
Yeah. It was a combination of being pissed about not SAH-his decision, the daycare-his decision, the house not having a dishwasher-his decision, the unimportance of weedeating-his priority, and him not getting up with the baby the ONE night I asked him to. When I did the math, I had about an hour and a half not taken up by chores, work and pumping/breastfeeding (which I don't enjoy), and he literally had 22 hours.

It's not 50/50 by any means, but it's not like that anymore. Though I did ask him to take over the dishes since we had the newbie and he hasn't even pretended to do them...
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:47 AM   #10
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

My dh will hardly do anything without being asked - he might take offense at that but it certainly feels that way sometimes. I really just think he's wired differently. I don't have a problem asking unless I have to do it multiple times, or he says he'll do something and then it doesn't get done. As for grumbling about doing chores - yeah that's annoying but I do it too. Dh got annoyed at me bc a grumbled when he asked me to spray poopy diapers. I asked if he wanted me to sing and dance about how happy i was to it. :eyeroll: But I wouldn't get too upset about that as long as the chores get done.
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