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Old 08-28-2012, 01:13 PM   #1
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Old 08-28-2012, 01:24 PM   #2
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

Can you maybe find an opportunity to get her and her DS around other children his age? I would imagine that if she is not with him most of the time and she doesn't have experience with other children, she may not even know it's not within the normal range of behaviour. Why is it that they don't see a Ped. Unless they are sick my children only see theirs once a year but we did do monthly visits the first year. I think they are really helpful in that several things(like my DS's vision problems) were caught early and able to be treated. Did they take him to be evaluated initially when he was first adopted? Maybe your DH can talk to the father about getting an evaluation.
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Old 08-28-2012, 01:49 PM   #3
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

He sounds hypotonic (low muscle tone). Activity exhausts those with hypotonia faster then kids with average muscle tone. Motor planning might also be a problem. Not sure about the tremors though. I would try to enlist someone to help you convince them mutual friend, doctor, therapist etc... If that fails I would insist if a child was in my care who is at risk of choking be checked out thoroughly by a doctor. I would approach from a safety aspect and hope the rest of the issues are discovered during closer inspection.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:16 PM   #4
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

I would give her a brochure about free services. Sounds like he may qualify for more than SLP. You might also mention in passing that though it can be scary, it gets the best results to deal with any potential problems early on, so he won't have trouble later in school. If they aren't open to it, there's nothing you can really do, except provide the info. If you're too pushy then they might take him elsewhere...
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:23 PM   #5
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

I would stay out of it. You expressed your concerns now the only choice you have to make is to or not to continue care.

He would probably benefit from intervention but he needs to see specialists and not have those on the internet guessing diagnosis. There is probably a lot more in the family history than you know or even they know and that is where to start. There are many of us who will NOT use early intervention through the state - I would not for personal reasons and they aren't the be all and end all. Given their situation, it would not be what I would recommend vs. finding really good specialists to look at the full issues. Early intervention don't have the full training a specialist does. BUT, not your child. You mentioned it and leave it at that.
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Old 08-28-2012, 03:20 PM   #6
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

Thanks everyone for the support. I do realize the mother does not have a ton of experience around other kids, my son is probably the only other tot she ever sees....it's strange because she will mention things that he does and muse aloud whether or not it's normal, but when I bring it up as an issue, it seems as though she shrugs it off.

To answer the question above about the pediatrician, I am not sure why he doesn't have one. I assumed he would have to considering he was legally a foster child up until a few months ago when the adoption went through. His parents do seem to be sort of the "buck up" types- they were both raised strictly I think and they sort of have a "aw, he will be fine" mentality about a lot of things, if that makes sense. Also, mom seems kind of flighty at times- she brought him over with ringworm without telling me, and then proceeds to tell me that she was dewormed with the farm animals as a kid so she didn't think she could get it (ringworm is a fungus for those of you not in the know ), she forgets to pay me regularly, she forgets his car seat on days when I have it/ need it, etc. Sometimes I think maybe she just doesn't notice what I do.

Dad did pick him up today, and we talked a bit. He shares my concern about the food-holding/ not-swallowing, but they just approach things differently. Apparently they spoke last night and they think the drooling and swallowing are discipline issues, like perhaps they need to "get on to him more to wipe his face, and that will make him stop drooling." /facepalm He claims he doesn't notice the shaking, which is fairly interesting considering my husband, who is around E for about 3 minutes every day, brought it to my attention! If you are not around someone the bulk of their day, and you don't know what is developmentally appropriate, it probably is a bit surprising when someone outside your family brings things like that to your attention. I do feel good about talking to the dad today, I think at least the swallowing problem will get addressed and hopefully the physician checks out the other stuff.


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Originally Posted by pcjs View Post
I would stay out of it. You expressed your concerns now the only choice you have to make is to or not to continue care.

He would probably benefit from intervention but he needs to see specialists and not have those on the internet guessing diagnosis. There is probably a lot more in the family history than you know or even they know and that is where to start. There are many of us who will NOT use early intervention through the state - I would not for personal reasons and they aren't the be all and end all. Given their situation, it would not be what I would recommend vs. finding really good specialists to look at the full issues. Early intervention don't have the full training a specialist does. BUT, not your child. You mentioned it and leave it at that.
Thanks for the reply. I think you should know you come off a bit rude here. I don't recall asking anyone on the forum to guess his diagnosis. My guess as to palsy or autism spectrum was labeled as such, a guess, and I do know he needs to see a specialist. That is basically my whole point. I see that you feel strongly about state care. Honestly, personally I feel the same way for my own family, for reasons perhaps the same or different from your own. I bring it up here as I know the family and I am aware of their financial situation, and it seemed like a good place for me to start as far as speaking with them about it. However, this is hardly the point. I was looking for moral support (from mothers who may have had a similar situation) and good suggestions, perhaps a bit of opinion to see where everyone else would go with the situation. Maybe you should start a thread about why you don't like state-sponsored speech therapy. It seems like you have a really big opinion about that, which is fine, but my thread isn't the place for it.
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Old 08-28-2012, 04:42 PM   #7
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

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Thanks for the reply. I think you should know you come off a bit rude here. I don't recall asking anyone on the forum to guess his diagnosis.
\

I think her post was aimed more at me then you. I wasn't diagnosing him just agreeing from your description it didn't sound right and expressed what my thoughts were based on your post. I have a thick skin so I am not worried by a slightly hostile post. I am glad the swallowing issue is going to be addressed.

I didn't say anything before but if a child has a swallowing disorder it makes choking much more dangerous. I actually had to teach my son how to spit out vomit and not hold it in his mouth thus cutting off his breathing. Obvious and instinctive stuff to typically developing kids isn't so in kids if there are swallowing and/or developmental issues. This is the primary reason every time I take ds to ER where vomiting is involved he has to have chest x-rays to check lung status. Swallowing issues can be very dangerous.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:43 PM   #8
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

I second bringing it up as a safety issue. Falling, choking, tremors, low muscle tone etc. all can lead to serious injuries. Charting his day for a week will help document these issues, and will give her a starting place when she approaches a ped. or family doctor. You can download a developmental chart and fill it out as well. They have a series of questions about abilities and that will give a more solid idea of where he is scoring at. The sooner he gets intervention, the better off he will be.

Don't make apologies for removing food from his mouth. I would be very alarmed too if any child walked around with food in his mouth, let alone one who falls frequently. Falling and accidentally inhaling or choking on his food, let alone falling asleep with it in his mouth, yikes! I would be having heart attacks too! I really hope that a solution can be found that resolves that problem, because that is a real safety issue right there.


ETA: Honestly, she may not want to hear it, but if he chokes on his food in your care, or gets seriously injured, you will be responsible.
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Last edited by rumblepurr; 08-28-2012 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:48 PM   #9
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

Such a difficult situation for you mama. You so badly want to help and his mom doesnt see it that way. And it does sound like he needs intervention....especially with the shaking going on over there.

Since your DH is friends with his dad, could you run it by him via phone? And make it sound like its not something they should sit on but act on ASAP?

But like a PP mentioned above that maybe that the mother doesnt know what's normal for his age..hmmmm I doubt that since she's saying that she cant wait for him to talk. Im guessing she's just ignoring/hoping for him to turn around without her husband and herself going thro the process of finding out what's ailing him. So sad for that little boy.
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Old 08-28-2012, 03:10 PM   #10
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Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice.

I agree with trying to get him and his mom around other kids his age so she can SEE where he stands while amongst a group of his peers. Mabey a regular playgroup?
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