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Old 08-31-2012, 10:32 AM   #1
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SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

Is anyone else in the same boat? I really want this to be a surprise, even though I had a dream that it was a boy so secretly I want to know just to see if my dream was right. (Since it was with both my previous girl pregnancies) but I'd be totally OK with waiting IF my hubby wasn't adamant about finding out. I have a few things in my favor:
1. He will have to work and cannot take the day off (for the ultrasound)
2. I have the choice to have the tech write down/print off photo or not

I didn't want him to know and not me, since I don't think he would be able to go the rest of the pregnancy without either:
1. telling someone else (which come on, why would everyone else in the family know and not the mom)
2. blowing it somehow when we talk names, I start knitting/sewing/etc

I have a feeling though if I don't come home with the result he will be mad and upset with me. I gave him a compromise since there's a chance he may have to go OOT (8+ hr drive away) for 3 weeks in January/February and therefore depending on when it happens he might not be in town when I'm due (highly unlikely but still a chance) that I would have the tech put the photo in an envelope and IF he has to go up north around the time I would go into labor he could have the envelope and find out then since he wouldn't be there for the birth. That was not good enough

So if you're in the same court, what is the plan?
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:59 AM   #2
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

I sometimes think it would be fun to not find out, but DH won't even consider it since he doesn't like surprises. I guess for me, it's not a big enough deal (as in, I could go either way and be fine) that if he's adamant to find out, then that's fine with me.

We found out with our last and it ended up being really special and fun so I'm looking forward to it this time.
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:56 PM   #3
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

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Originally Posted by lisha622 View Post
I sometimes think it would be fun to not find out, but DH won't even consider it since he doesn't like surprises. I guess for me, it's not a big enough deal (as in, I could go either way and be fine) that if he's adamant to find out, then that's fine with me.

We found out with our last and it ended up being really special and fun so I'm looking forward to it this time.
This is us pretty much word for word

We have found out with both and it's really exciting and fun so I'm looking forward to it again this time. And DD really wants to go to the sono too so she will get to find out with us which is really exciting for her
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:03 AM   #4
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This is exactly the situation my DH and I are in. I'm not averse to finding out, but if it were entirely up to me, we wouldn't. DH, however, really, really wants to know. My biggest reasons forgot wanting to find out are 1) I prefer gender neutral stuff anyway, and 2) I don't want our families to know, just because it rubs me the wrong way how they automatically start talking about the baby in a different way (like, oh she'll be a nice girl, he'll be a strong boy kind of thing). Plus, they knew my SIL was having a girl and she got all pink frilly dresses at the shower and nothing actually useful. I think our compromise is going to be find out, but not tell anyone!
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:29 AM   #5
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

I kind of do... but then also want the surprise at birth as well. Im also kind of worried that I might be disappointed if I found out right now, but I know if I wait till birth theres no way there can be disappointment! It was a surprise in my last pregnancy up to 35 weeks when my doctor blew it with her big mouth. :/



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Plus, they knew my SIL was having a girl and she got all pink frilly dresses at the shower and nothing actually useful.
Just FYI, this can backfire on you. With my last we were waiting to find out and people just refused to get me anything at all. Our church decided since we didn't know that they wouldnt do a shower, they'd wait till after the baby was born. I never did get a shower, which Im pretty sure is the first time a member has been shafted like that in the 13 years we went to that church. It was very disappointing and hurtful, especially since the stuff we needed was gender neutral stuff that all babies need, bottles, wipes, washclothes, etc. Nobody touched any of it.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:00 PM   #6
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

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I kind of do... but then also want the surprise at birth as well. Im also kind of worried that I might be disappointed if I found out right now, but I know if I wait till birth theres no way there can be disappointment! It was a surprise in my last pregnancy up to 35 weeks when my doctor blew it with her big mouth. :/

Just FYI, this can backfire on you. With my last we were waiting to find out and people just refused to get me anything at all. Our church decided since we didn't know that they wouldnt do a shower, they'd wait till after the baby was born. I never did get a shower, which Im pretty sure is the first time a member has been shafted like that in the 13 years we went to that church. It was very disappointing and hurtful, especially since the stuff we needed was gender neutral stuff that all babies need, bottles, wipes, washclothes, etc. Nobody touched any of it.
I've known of several ladies who have been disappointed at birth too (even though they'd only ever admit it to an intimate group of friends)... if you're REALLY hoping for one sex over another, you'll probably be at least a little disappointed either way. That's so frustrating though that your doctor blew it last time! I actually have several IRL friends who had it blown for them too (by their doctors). Of course, I think most doctors are good about keeping it silent. It seems to me like you really want the surprise at the end though, so if your husband's on board, I say don't find out until birth day.

Also, that's awful about your church! We found out with DD, but I still registered for mostly gender neutral things other than clothes, and while some people got clothes (which was nice, because we still needed those), it was great getting all the gender neutral items.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:08 PM   #7
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

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Originally Posted by kat216 View Post
This is exactly the situation my DH and I are in. I'm not averse to finding out, but if it were entirely up to me, we wouldn't. DH, however, really, really wants to know. My biggest reasons forgot wanting to find out are 1) I prefer gender neutral stuff anyway, and 2) I don't want our families to know, just because it rubs me the wrong way how they automatically start talking about the baby in a different way (like, oh she'll be a nice girl, he'll be a strong boy kind of thing). Plus, they knew my SIL was having a girl and she got all pink frilly dresses at the shower and nothing actually useful. I think our compromise is going to be find out, but not tell anyone!
This is what we're doing. We found out with both of our previous babies. this time, I thought it would be fun to wait, but DH said he could never do it. So then, when we started talking about names, we decided to keep the name we pick out a secret (which we had told that both times before as well). We decided to keep the name a secret, in part, so that we don't have to hear others' opinions, but I also, I think, because we know that this is our last baby and somehow it feels more special to us if we aren't sharing as much about this pregnancy with friends and family... I'm not sure if that makes sense or if I'm phrasing it right, though. For some reason, I feel like I don't want to share this baby with anyone other than DH - like if everyone around me already knows the gender AND knows the name, then it takes something away?

Anyway, after we decided to keep the name a secret, we both really quickly decided that we would keep the gender a secret too. So, I've just told everyone that we're not finding out. My parents are excited, since they're sort of old-school and never wanted to know gender in advance with any of their (9 and counting) grandchildren, but have been told in advance every time. The only person I would like to tell is DS, but at 6, he'd never be able to keep that secret, so we won't tell him either.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:21 PM   #8
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

Well ya know, sometimes baby is in the wrong position and the tech simply CAN'T identify the gender. Just a thought.
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:42 PM   #9
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

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Well ya know, sometimes baby is in the wrong position and the tech simply CAN'T identify the gender. Just a thought.
Yeah... I told him that (and thought of it in case baby still was in a good position) and he said "have the tech write down his best guess" MIL also said "they can poke and prod to get the baby to move." Our family is excited that we're waiting (well, the Grandparents are since "that's how it was in our day") and my mom isn't pushing for us to find out. I guess since the whole birth experience in general hubby doesn't want anything to do with I sorta feel like if he could care less about the other stuff (he's making me fund my own birth photographer and doula --- even though he's the one with the job, not me since taking care of 2 kiddos pays nothing ) and he only wants to make fun of my "hippie ways" then why would he get to know the sex of the baby if I want to wait... it was sorta the one thing I wanted really badly for him to be the one to announce the sex since he really does't even want to be in the room until I start pushing I also like the idea of people having to wait to find out until after we have baby stats (1 hr or so after baby is born). I dunno, I have a feeling if he's going to be super pissed at me for not finding out that I'll just have the tech bring up the sonogram and put the pic for hubby and give hubby the choice to look or not and let him know I really hope he choses to keep it a surprise and if he looks that'll be that. I guess part of me is going to be pissed if he tells anyone since it is a big deal to me (as dumb as that sounds ).

But.... since the ultrasound is scheduled for the day after my birthday maybe that'll be the one thing I ask for, for my b-day.... for him to keep it a surprise and not require me to get the info for him to find out.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:55 PM   #10
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Re: SO wants to know sex but you don't/vice versa?

With our others, we both wanted to find out (and did), and this time I thought it might be nice to keep the surprise till the end, but my dh definitely wants to know. I don't care enough either way, so we're planning on finding out.
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