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Old 09-17-2012, 11:12 AM   #1
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Advice needed - My son is a bully...

It would seem we have some bully issues going on. Sibling stuff but the goombas video taped it so we have hard evidence! I had NO IDEA we had any issues with the kids but then I found the videoand it was rather mean. It was all just verbal but I am NOT happy about what I saw.

My kids are homeschooled. Since I am not only mom but also teacher I want to find some darn good anti-bulling resources. My gut reaction is to ground forever and take away all enjoyment in their lives HOWEVER I realize that, that probably isn't going to teach them anything. I am required to teach health and career anyway, so as with everything in homeschool, I am looking to tie things together into something educational instead of the gut reaction of grounding forever and re-homing the child I am NOT impressed with right now.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:13 AM   #2
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

How old is he?
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:17 AM   #3
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20 I've heard good things about this book.

ALso, you can show him the video, and talk about each comment that you are not happy about.

The best thing to say to a kid is "I'm concerned". Not "I can't believe you said...did" Not "We need to talk"... just "I'm concerned" and explain gently why you are concerned about this.

Then if that doesn't change, you can work on the entire group together. Teach the other kids how to shut the bullying down (without reverse bullying) and come down harder on him when you catch him bullying.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:20 AM   #4
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Almost 10.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:22 AM   #5
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Also, you need to think about how often you unknowingly allow bullying. If you notice that he gets to choose more often than the other kids... like choosing the movie, or what to eat, or where to go out to eat.... You don't notice it at the time. But, he's louder and faster with his requests, and the other kids don't seem to care, so you just do what he picked.

Purposely choose someone else to ask their opinion first. Ask him or her "Pizza, or chinese?" then consider everyone's opinion, but don't let his opinion weigh as heavily as the others. If he wants to pout, or have a fit...fine, but he needs to do it over there, because you guys are busy right now.

It's easier to let the squeaky wheel choose first, because it causes less drama, and the other kids don't really care. But, it sets him up to think his choice is more important, or more "right" than anyone elses.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:26 AM   #6
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
Also, you need to think about how often you unknowingly allow bullying. If you notice that he gets to choose more often than the other kids... like choosing the movie, or what to eat, or where to go out to eat.... You don't notice it at the time. But, he's louder and faster with his requests, and the other kids don't seem to care, so you just do what he picked.

Purposely choose someone else to ask their opinion first. Ask him or her "Pizza, or chinese?" then consider everyone's opinion, but don't let his opinion weigh as heavily as the others. If he wants to pout, or have a fit...fine, but he needs to do it over there, because you guys are busy right now.

It's easier to let the squeaky wheel choose first, because it causes less drama, and the other kids don't really care. But, it sets him up to think his choice is more important, or more "right" than anyone elses.
Very good advice. Not an issue here yet our older kids share well and the youngers are too little but still GREAT advice.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:41 AM   #7
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I saw this idea on pinterest or fb cant remember so I cant take credit but plan on doing it with my girls. Dd1 is bossy and rude to dd2 and dd2-my loving laid back child- is starting to get an attitude b/c of it *sigh*

Condensed version-
Have them take a piece of paper, draw a happy face on it. Have them say mean, hurtful things while crumbling it up. Once its in a ball have them apologize and say nice things while smoothing it back out. Once the paper is open have them look at it and notice whats wrong with the paper(all the crinkles). Talk about how when youre nasty to someone, even if you apologize and try to make up for it, damage is left behind-you can never fully make up for/take back for what youve done.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:54 AM   #8
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Quote:
Originally Posted by my2sweets View Post
I saw this idea on pinterest or fb cant remember so I cant take credit but plan on doing it with my girls. Dd1 is bossy and rude to dd2 and dd2-my loving laid back child- is starting to get an attitude b/c of it *sigh*

Condensed version-
Have them take a piece of paper, draw a happy face on it. Have them say mean, hurtful things while crumbling it up. Once its in a ball have them apologize and say nice things while smoothing it back out. Once the paper is open have them look at it and notice whats wrong with the paper(all the crinkles). Talk about how when youre nasty to someone, even if you apologize and try to make up for it, damage is left behind-you can never fully make up for/take back for what youve done.
http://pinterest.com/pin/71072500339685099/
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Old 09-17-2012, 12:09 PM   #9
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Quote:
Originally Posted by my2sweets View Post
I saw this idea on pinterest or fb cant remember so I cant take credit but plan on doing it with my girls. Dd1 is bossy and rude to dd2 and dd2-my loving laid back child- is starting to get an attitude b/c of it *sigh*

Condensed version-
Have them take a piece of paper, draw a happy face on it. Have them say mean, hurtful things while crumbling it up. Once its in a ball have them apologize and say nice things while smoothing it back out. Once the paper is open have them look at it and notice whats wrong with the paper(all the crinkles). Talk about how when youre nasty to someone, even if you apologize and try to make up for it, damage is left behind-you can never fully make up for/take back for what youve done.
GREAT idea!
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:49 PM   #10
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Re: Advice needed - My son is a bully...

Quote:
Originally Posted by my2sweets View Post
I saw this idea on pinterest or fb cant remember so I cant take credit but plan on doing it with my girls. Dd1 is bossy and rude to dd2 and dd2-my loving laid back child- is starting to get an attitude b/c of it *sigh*

Condensed version-
Have them take a piece of paper, draw a happy face on it. Have them say mean, hurtful things while crumbling it up. Once its in a ball have them apologize and say nice things while smoothing it back out. Once the paper is open have them look at it and notice whats wrong with the paper(all the crinkles). Talk about how when youre nasty to someone, even if you apologize and try to make up for it, damage is left behind-you can never fully make up for/take back for what youve done.
I did this today with my 10 year old after reading this thread. He is constantly snarky to ds2 and says he is just "kidding". We have been struggling getting him to understand that his "kidding" is hurting ds2. When he opened the paper back up he said the face was still the same. I told him about the wrinkles and how it was still damaged. He said "oh wow". He is a very sensitive child and I know for the most part he wouldn't hurt his brother purposely but I think his age and how a lot of things come naturally for him and his little brother has to work at stuff gives him some feeling of entitlement to pick at him. I really hope this helps it stick with him and OP if you try it let us know his reaction! I hope it works for you and I am interested to see if it does stick with my ds.
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