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Old 09-20-2012, 09:06 PM   #1
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We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

Over the past few months my husband and I have both begun to feel like the Lord is calling us to adopt. We began to feel this way independent of each other. We had both been praying about it and asking God to make it clear to us what we should do and how we should bring it up with the other one. Little did we know that we were both experiencing the same thing!

So here we are, we have two biological children, both boys, 21 months and 3 years old. And we have no idea what we're doing, we don't even know where to start. We'd like to adopt domestically, and we'd like to adopt a baby or child younger than our youngest son (21 months old).

We don't have tons of money so the financial aspect of this is a big concern. Should we look into private adoption? work with an agency?

Does anyone have any advice, tips, words of encouragement??

Thanks so much!
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:31 PM   #2
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

If you are really wanting to help a needy kiddo then foster/adopt or international adoption is the way to go. People are waiting for years and years to adopt an infant through a domestic adoption, theres not really a need there. International adoption is very spendy, think $20-40k+. Adoption through foster care is free and there are so many great kids who need help. There are programs to adopt kids whos parental rights have already been terminated but its mostly large sibling groups or special needs kids but younger kids do come up occasionally. Many adopt infants and even newborns straight from tye hospital through foster care but it realky depends on your area. It is hard, but i feel so blessed to do this work.
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:18 PM   #3
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

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If you are really wanting to help a needy kiddo then foster/adopt or international adoption is the way to go. People are waiting for years and years to adopt an infant through a domestic adoption, theres not really a need there. International adoption is very spendy, think $20-40k+. Adoption through foster care is free and there are so many great kids who need help. There are programs to adopt kids whos parental rights have already been terminated but its mostly large sibling groups or special needs kids but younger kids do come up occasionally. Many adopt infants and even newborns straight from tye hospital through foster care but it realky depends on your area. It is hard, but i feel so blessed to do this work.
Yep, exactly our thought path... want to adopt, don't have trouble making our own kids, just want to open our home to kids who need one not take a baby from families waiting who struggle with infertility, can't afford international (though my heart is still there! maybe someday...) , so that leaves foster care Our dd was almost 3 so we said we would take 2 and under (now she's almost 8 so we'd be up to 7 and under if we were open for placements!) It was about a year from the time we started inquiring into the process and signing up for the training class until the time we brought our dd2 home from the hospital. She was foster for almost a year before being an official adoptive placement and adopted at 15 months. Then I had ds last year, and now we've got dd3 who is two months old and a half bio sibling to dd2.
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Old 09-21-2012, 02:41 PM   #4
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

i didn't realize your dd was a newbie placement!

eta although now that i think about it i remember posting this exact same thing before. so i must have known and forgotten.
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:27 PM   #5
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

Thanks Let me ask about the foster/adoption thing. How does it work? You become a foster parent and then maybe adopt one of the foster kids? Is it likely that you eventually get to adopt a foster child or is it more likely that you just keep fostering? I hadn't even heard of this as an option so I have lots of questions
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:09 PM   #6
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

It really depends on where you are as to how relatively easy it is to adopt foster placements and also comes down to luck. Some may get to adopt their first placement and not have too many bumps in the road, but others may not. Some areas have programs to foster kids that are likely on the path to adoption and some don't. We would like to adopt and have chosen to foster hoping one of our placements ends up adoptable. We started the process over two years ago and are now on placement number five. Fostering is a great choice, but it isn't something everyone can successfully do. Goodbyes are hard especially when you know the child is not going into a good situation. It can be very rewarding though. A big roller coaster ride. It is worth looking into at the very least.
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Old 09-21-2012, 08:05 PM   #7
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

It is very county specific. Here there is no fos-adopt program to straight adopt. Everyone is licensed regular foster parents. However, we told our licensing worker that we only wanted to do short term/ respite placements or adopt. She said there weren't any guarantees, but that they would only call us for placements that looked like they were on their way to adoption / termination of parental rights. We knew that likely that would make the wait longer and the placement opportunities fewer. Some places have separate paths for people wanting to just foster or just adopt or both.
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Old 09-23-2012, 10:20 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by sunnymommy
It is very county specific. Here there is no fos-adopt program to straight adopt. Everyone is licensed regular foster parents. However, we told our licensing worker that we only wanted to do short term/ respite placements or adopt. She said there weren't any guarantees, but that they would only call us for placements that looked like they were on their way to adoption / termination of parental rights. We knew that likely that would make the wait longer and the placement opportunities fewer. Some places have separate paths for people wanting to just foster or just adopt or both.
Yup all straight foster parents here too. But when we get a call we get very little info. Age sex race and name and I've had even those things be wrong! We have no idea if a kid will be one night our one year. Usually they have some idea but I have gotten some abrupt surprises. For one we were told 6 months minimum and possible pre adoptive and 3 weeks later got a call to drop off baby at home that same day!

Really though its so different in each county its almost useless to get our perspective. You have to call dcfs in your area to get the scoop!
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Old 09-24-2012, 01:48 PM   #9
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

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Yup all straight foster parents here too. But when we get a call we get very little info. Age sex race and name and I've had even those things be wrong! We have no idea if a kid will be one night our one year. Usually they have some idea but I have gotten some abrupt surprises. For one we were told 6 months minimum and possible pre adoptive and 3 weeks later got a call to drop off baby at home that same day!

Really though its so different in each county its almost useless to get our perspective. You have to call dcfs in your area to get the scoop!
At that time, those calls to us would not have been kids coming into care (def not much info given on those calls). They were little ones who had been in the system long enough to get to termination and for whatever reason were not going to be staying at their current placement home. One was a little two year old boy who had been with a foster family in our agency until he went to termination at which time his grandparents took him. But, shortly after they decided they couldn't start over raising a two year old. So back to our agency and looking for an adoptive home. I assume his former foster home was asked but decided not to adopt him. (I know she already has about 12 kids between birthed and adopted although she did adopt another one that she fostered around the same time as him.) Back then we were set on a girl (although I would've said yes to just about every call), and dh said no. Deciding to only take calls on kids under three who were already going to termination/adoption but were not going to be adopted by their foster homes made for possibly a very long wait as most kiddos ARE adopted by their foster homes if it comes to that. But, dh couldn't handle not knowing (are we fostering? are we adopting? who's kid is this anyway?) so that was my only option at the time.

We also did have a call on an unborn sibling who had been attached to the termination order of the other kids by the judge! That was totally unheard of by any of our workers!! But, of course, it was a boy so dh said no. Even though it would have been the absolutely most perfect you will ever get adoption from foster care placement EVER. A newborn already terminated on!! But, he kept saying the baby was not for our family; he belonged to another family waiting for him. And a couple months later we got dd2 . We would not have gotten her if we had taken that baby boy. But, I still wonder where he went and who got him
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Old 09-24-2012, 01:57 PM   #10
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Re: We feel called to adopt but have no idea what we're doing ...

There are tax credits to adopt. Try looking into james127foundationadopt.org for financial assistance? I'm not sure if domestic or international or both.
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