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Old 09-30-2012, 10:41 PM   #1
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considering adoption and confused

My husband and I have 3 children, and made the decision after our third child that I should not get pregnant again, as my pregnancies were increasingly difficult, and the babies were increasingly early, with our 3rd ending up in the NICU. I have had my tubed tied, as I couldn't risk our family or my health by getting pregnant again.
Since we got married, we have always wanted to have 4 children, and would really like to adopt, but I don't even know where to start.
We live in Kansas.
We would like to do a domestic adoption.
I have tried doing some searches for adoption agencies, but I don't really know how to start, or how to know if they are legit. We would really like to have our children close in age, our kids are 4, 2 and 1.
I know that Catholic Charities will not do adoptions with parents who can have children themselves, so I don't know how they would view my situation.
Does anyone have any recommendations for adoption resources in Kansas? We would be interested in a semi-open adoption. I was adopted, and I still struggle with not knowing my birth mom.
I'm sorry this is such a confusing post- I really don't know where to start. I know that we should start the process soon since it can take a while to get a placement.
Would having our own biological children be a deterrent? How about if we wanted to be able to exchange pictures and e-mails, but not have actual visits?
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Old 10-01-2012, 07:35 AM   #2
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Re: considering adoption and confused

I am very interested to see what people say. I was astounded reading your post because we are considering adoption for the same exact reason. We have three biological children, always wanted four but for my health we don't think we want to try again. I hope someone responds because I'm curious about finding an agency too.. at least to ask questions.
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Old 10-01-2012, 07:38 AM   #3
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I don't have first hand experience, but I know you can contact your state and do a foster to adopt program. I'm not sure if you have age preference or willing to take on a special needs kiddo, but I would contact a social worker in your state. :-)
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:11 PM   #4
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Re: considering adoption and confused

My husband and I have discussed foster to adopt, but I don't know if it would work for our family currently. I would really worry about how it would effect our other children, particularly our oldest, if we were to be placed with a child and then end up losing him/her. As much as I would like to help a child in need, I also really need to consider the children we already have.
My youngest was in the NICU, and that was very hard for my daughter, just explaining to her that we had to wait for the baby to come home.
If there were no other option, I would look at the foster route, but I think the best fit for our family would be an adoption.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:18 PM   #5
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Many areas do not even have specific foster to adoption programs and you just have to try your luck fostering.

When we were looking a private domestic infant adoption, one of the agencies we looked at was American Adoptions and I know they are based in Kansas. They are quite expensive, but may be a good place to begin your research. Compared to the other national agencies I looked into, American Adoptions was the least pushy, most professional (amazing how some aren't).... I am remembering now they have a child limit for their regular program (we were going to do their AA program) but I think it's not set in stone. I can't say I recommend them since I never used then besides asking questions for 1.5 years (always the same guy I was talking with) but since they are in your state, could be a good place to start.
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Old 10-01-2012, 01:58 PM   #6
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I know of two great agencies in the Kansas City area if you are near there. Even if you're not, you could get a home study done by a social worker in your area and use it to work with either or both agencies.

ETA: we have two bios and just adopted our son.
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Old 10-01-2012, 02:08 PM   #7
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My sis and bil adopted #4 after having 3 bios. They could have had more also, but felt lead to adopt. They went to an info day about domestic and international adoption. They were basically told it would take a while to get picked since they already had 3 and could have more. There were also several countries they ruled them out because they had 3 and had a mix of girl and boys. They ended up adopting from Ethiopia.
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Old 10-01-2012, 02:35 PM   #8
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Re: considering adoption and confused

Here is Indiana's Available Children Book...

http://www.adoptuskids.org/states/in/browse.aspx
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Old 10-02-2012, 11:58 AM   #9
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Re: considering adoption and confused

Hello - I have 2 children but grew up with 4. I'm nervous to be pregnant again since I've had 2 c-sections. I am in awe of you women who are determined to build the family as you hoped. Do you ever worry how a new child will affect the others? I am adopted myself and always planned on adopting, but now with two, I feel stretched already and the thought of more with less attention each is a struggle for me. Good luck with your searches, any advice or ideas is helpful!

Thank you!
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:24 PM   #10
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Re: considering adoption and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha D View Post
Hello - I have 2 children but grew up with 4. I'm nervous to be pregnant again since I've had 2 c-sections. I am in awe of you women who are determined to build the family as you hoped. Do you ever worry how a new child will affect the others? I am adopted myself and always planned on adopting, but now with two, I feel stretched already and the thought of more with less attention each is a struggle for me. Good luck with your searches, any advice or ideas is helpful!

Thank you!
To me, and we are just starting out, making this decision is not really much different than choosing to get pregnant again. How will another baby effect our family? Is it the right choice? Can we afford it? For us, adding another baby though adoption would be easier on the kids, since it would mean that I am healthy for my kids, and not spending months in bed unable to even make them a sandwich.
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