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Old 10-02-2012, 10:43 PM   #1
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To have another or not.....advice please

I will start with how I had my daughter.
I had a horrible pregnancy! I started having contractions around 20 weeks. No dr would listen to me & I was in & out of L&D quite frequently. I was on bedrest at home when i was 24 weeks & put in the hospital at 26 weeks. I was sent home when they thought they stopped my labor for me to back at 28 weeks & there to stay. My amino was leaking & they would barely let me out of bed. They planned on inducing me at 34 weeks in fear of infection or her cord kinking if it came through the tear in the bag(can't remember what it's called but very dangerous) I had my daughter at 32 weeks when my water broke while sitting up & had her an hour later(ALLLLLL natural, but so glad it ended up that way) besides being 2 months early she was a short chunky lil thing! 4lbs 10oz 14inch long. She had to stay in the NICU for 29 LOOOOOOONG days & besides a few bumps in the road is a healthy happy very intelligent 20 month old. I am so afraid to have another baby to have what I went through again. I don't think I could do it again & this time I have a toddler that needs caring for too. I am also in fear that if I did have the baby at term & able to EBF (with my DD I was able to exclusively pump for 3 mths until my body gave up & I dried up even after I tried everything) I fear that I will have a better bond with the new baby bcuz I wanted to BF SOOOOOO bad & only got to have DD to breast a handful of times with her being so little & weak....I also have met people who have a favorite child & I'm so scared that that could happen if I have more. I guess my biggest concern is do I want a baby to make up for what I missed out with my first? & is the wrong of me? I've tried talking to family about it with no luck & some telling me I should not have another baby bcuz it will make me resent my first & others telling me to follow my heart but my heart it torn between wanting my daughter to have a sibling & wanting all my love to go to her. Please only positive advice thank you!! & thanks for reading I'm a rambler
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Old 10-02-2012, 11:54 PM   #2
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

i sympathize with a lot of what you're going through. i have type 1 (juvenille) diabetes and also had a very difficult pregnancy - although nowhere near as tough as yours sounds! - i had to go to the drs. office a minimum of 2X a week, often 3 or 4X, for the last several months for tests, was constantly told my baby might be stillborn, and ended up having labor induced at 37 weeks at dr's insistence because of high blood pressure - resulting in 43 hours of labor and 5 hours of pushing ending in an emergency C-section.

i feel like a know a lot more now, and would also like to try to have another "better" birthing experience.

also, would love for my son to have a sibling.

however, as you said exactly, i am torn between wanting him to have a sibling and wanting all my love to go to him. i have no idea how i could possibly love any other human being, even another baby, as much as i love him. also, even though we do fine, own a house, have no credit card debt, own our cars outright, etc, we're not wealthy by any means and it's always hard to think about how we could afford another...just trying to be responsible!!!

basically, i have no answer for you. i totally sympathize though. i have no idea how to figure out the answer, it seems impossible.
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Old 10-03-2012, 12:09 AM   #3
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Thank you for sharing!!! It eases me that I'm not the only one!!! It is so hard to know the answer!!
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Old 10-03-2012, 12:29 AM   #4
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.
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Old 10-03-2012, 08:31 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by raymark
IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.
This is the kind of things that I take as not being positive. There's people who DON'T want kids & get pregnant by not protecting themselves & keep the child & are so happy & in love with their children. I have GOOD reasons to question if I want to have another one & I'm gonna take a guess & say mayb you haven't went thru something so traumatizing as I did. Not trying to be mean I just want only positive things I've already been belittled by my family That's why I am here to get some advice from people who can relate.

And thank you all sharing stories. It's really good that I hear others struggle with this too!!
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Old 10-03-2012, 08:21 PM   #6
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by raymark View Post
IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.
I definitely don't agree with this. Just my If I lived by this I probably still wouldn't have had kids and my heart would be sad. I think a lot of people are like me in the sense that it would be impossible to ever be that ready.
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Old 10-26-2012, 08:14 PM   #7
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

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Originally Posted by nursenmom View Post
I definitely don't agree with this. Just my If I lived by this I probably still wouldn't have had kids and my heart would be sad. I think a lot of people are like me in the sense that it would be impossible to ever be that ready.
I agree. My first was absolutely unplanned, but my life changed for the better when I accepted that I was pregnant.
Even people who have easy pregnancies ask these questions! Your heart grows, I promise!
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Old 12-12-2012, 05:59 PM   #8
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

I am also struggling with this question but I would say think, reflect, and pray (if you are a praying person) and your heart will lead you. Our first (DD) was born at 38 weeks, happy and healthy, our second (DS) at 32 weeks unexpectedly, has one ongoing complication of the prematurity, but otherwise happy and healthy. I remember asking myself when I was pregnant with him, "How can I ever love another child the way I love my daughter?" But the MOMENT he was born, my love for him developed and is equivalent (yet different) than my love for my firstborn. See www.caringbridge.org/visit/josiahchristenson for more detail.

I cannot imagine my life without these two precious children. I agree with the saying that love is not divided when you have more children, it is multiplied!

Our next child (DD) was born (just 2 1/2 weeks ago) at 23 weeks and 1 day of gestation, and she only survived 10 hours (see www.abigailegrace.blogspot.com for more of our story). Is our family in pain? Yes. Do I regret one single moment of my pregnancy or the time I spent with her? No. I don't think a complicated pregnancy, a premature child, or even one that goes on to heaven before us, makes the decision wrong to try again. If you feel the decision is right to try again, I would say go for it! But if you choose not to, then love your one child with all your heart and don't look back with regrets! Hugs mama!
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Old 12-15-2012, 10:37 AM   #9
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@isabelsMama thank you for sharing that & I am deeply sorry for your loss!! I couldn't imagine losing a child my thoughts are with your family. & an update to everyone: I had my IUD recently taken out due to health & we are not going to try or prevent what ever happens happens & we will be happy with the outcome of another child if blessed with another! Thank you everyone for sharing!!
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:20 AM   #10
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I had the same worries after my first. I now have 2 more and I'm so happy I did. Your heart grows with each child you have and you will find that you can love them all.
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