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Old 10-05-2012, 11:29 PM   #1
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Frustrated with DH

Does anyone else have a DH that is bone idle when it come to the house?

I am a bit pernickity about the house. I HATE food being left out over night.

DH cooked last night to "give me a break". The problem is, when he cooks he makes a huge mess and doesn't clean as he goes. So use spoon, throw it in the sink (dry sink). Need another spoon, take clean one, throw it in the sink. He uses ALL the pots etc.

I came home and the dishwasher was full. He had not thought to switch it on. He just throws everything in the dry sink. So I switch it on. He moans because he wanted to jam more into it. It doesn't clean properly if its over full.

He complains if I try and tidy around him when he is cooking so I have to leave the kitchen.

Well, after dinner I go to clean up the HUGE mess. He tells me to leave it, he will do it. Now I KNOW he won't. So we go to bed with the kitchen in a mess and food left out. I'm trying to not nag so much so it took everything in me to not complain.

He told me last night that he is picking his business partner up early and going to a market. (I'm working this am).

He gets up early. I lie in bed waiting to hear kitchen sounds. Nothing. Nothing at all. Eventually, at 7am I get up and clean the kitchen. He complains from the couch that he was going to do it when he got back from the market. Which is bull. He know it and I know it. He knows me well enough to know that I won't leave it until after work or after he comes home!!

Why can't he understand that mess causes me anxiety? He is SUCH a slob. Its like he takes pleasure in being disgusting.

Like last night I had to explain to him that if he pulls the handle up half way through a flush the toilet will REEK of urine. These are things he should know! He is a grown man.

We just had an altercation because he threw his pyjamas in the magazine rack next to his side of the bed!!! Surely a grown man KNOWS that those go into his cupboard and not on the floor or a magazine rack!! I'm actually close to tears over this.

It was SO nice while he was away. My house was a home. It was tidy, neat and clean. Not a freaking student digs. It is honestly one of the only two things we EVER fight about. The other being his crazy sister.

Sigh.
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Old 10-06-2012, 06:05 AM   #2
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Re: Frustrated with DH

I didnt look up your previous posts, but do you have kids? I ask, because your loos WILL stink...hey your house will stink in spots when you are potty training your kids and if you have a little boy, its not just the toilet, but the area AROUND the toilet that'll stink.
I hope my question wasnt offensive, but since there was no mention of a child, Im hoping I was right.

You two seem like a loving couple. If you are yet to have kids(or have a newborn) This problem of yours IS NOT a problem. Your kids are going to be throwing stuff around left right and centre, and you'll be glad your dh at least threw his pyjamas next to HIS side of the bed. And not at the front door.

And if you have kids....pm me quick and I'll delete this post.
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Old 10-06-2012, 06:38 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Bhavana
I didnt look up your previous posts, but do you have kids? I ask, because your loos WILL stink...hey your house will stink in spots when you are potty training your kids and if you have a little boy, its not just the toilet, but the area AROUND the toilet that'll stink.
I hope my question wasnt offensive, but since there was no mention of a child, Im hoping I was right.

You two seem like a loving couple. If you are yet to have kids(or have a newborn) This problem of yours IS NOT a problem. Your kids are going to be throwing stuff around left right and centre, and you'll be glad your dh at least threw his pyjamas next to HIS side of the bed. And not at the front door.

And if you have kids....pm me quick and I'll delete this post.
As a mother of 4 I have THE.EXACT.SAME. issues with my dh. I swear I could have written the op. at least her dh flushes half way. My dh leaves pee in the toilette. We don't flush every time to conserve water but he'll leave the overnight pee then add first am pee and NOT flush Honestly the more kids we have the MORE frustrating it is that the grown man isn't putting his clothes in the hamper. How do you teach children to be neat if you can't teach your dh?
Ok now my blood pressure is all up
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Old 10-06-2012, 06:20 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Puppydog
Does anyone else have a DH that is bone idle when it come to the house?

I am a bit pernickity about the house. I HATE food being left out over night.

DH cooked last night to "give me a break". The problem is, when he cooks he makes a huge mess and doesn't clean as he goes. So use spoon, throw it in the sink (dry sink). Need another spoon, take clean one, throw it in the sink. He uses ALL the pots etc.

I came home and the dishwasher was full. He had not thought to switch it on. He just throws everything in the dry sink. So I switch it on. He moans because he wanted to jam more into it. It doesn't clean properly if its over full.

He complains if I try and tidy around him when he is cooking so I have to leave the kitchen.

Well, after dinner I go to clean up the HUGE mess. He tells me to leave it, he will do it. Now I KNOW he won't. So we go to bed with the kitchen in a mess and food left out. I'm trying to not nag so much so it took everything in me to not complain.

He told me last night that he is picking his business partner up early and going to a market. (I'm working this am).

He gets up early. I lie in bed waiting to hear kitchen sounds. Nothing. Nothing at all. Eventually, at 7am I get up and clean the kitchen. He complains from the couch that he was going to do it when he got back from the market. Which is bull. He know it and I know it. He knows me well enough to know that I won't leave it until after work or after he comes home!!

Why can't he understand that mess causes me anxiety? He is SUCH a slob. Its like he takes pleasure in being disgusting.

Like last night I had to explain to him that if he pulls the handle up half way through a flush the toilet will REEK of urine. These are things he should know! He is a grown man.

We just had an altercation because he threw his pyjamas in the magazine rack next to his side of the bed!!! Surely a grown man KNOWS that those go into his cupboard and not on the floor or a magazine rack!! I'm actually close to tears over this.

It was SO nice while he was away. My house was a home. It was tidy, neat and clean. Not a freaking student digs. It is honestly one of the only two things we EVER fight about. The other being his crazy sister.

Sigh.
My DH is the same way. He cooks and it looks like a tornado hit my kitchen. His clothes make it next to the basket. He will not clean without me asking him eleventy billion times. I also have two boys. The baby isn't a big deal. I would love if the 4.5 year old could get all his pee IN the toilette. But it is more tolerable from them because they are kids. He is an adult. Plus, my 4.5 year old has been taught to put dishes in the sink, throw trash away, etc

My husband is great with a lot of things. Day to day tidying is not one of them.
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Old 10-06-2012, 06:49 AM   #5
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Re: Frustrated with DH

My DH does not clean. I would like for him to but honestly it is not an issue because he isn't going to do it and I'd be fighting a losing battle trying to get him to. He cooks from scratch and makes a horrible mess but I know he is not going to clean it up so there is no use in me getting upset about it. I just know to enjoy my meal and then go clean up the mess. He throws his clothes in the floor but after a little prodding for 16 years he doesn't leave his shoes and socks in the living room anymore and I consider this wonderful. He is not the neatest person in the world but really that is a minor flaw when I consider what a wonderful human being he is. I have learned to turn my head about a lot of things and pick my battles with DH and the kids. It's better to have a little messy house and peace among its inhabitants than a spotless house and five upset people.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:42 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by GEM Cloth
My DH does not clean. I would like for him to but honestly it is not an issue because he isn't going to do it and I'd be fighting a losing battle trying to get him to. He cooks from scratch and makes a horrible mess but I know he is not going to clean it up so there is no use in me getting upset about it. I just know to enjoy my meal and then go clean up the mess. He throws his clothes in the floor but after a little prodding for 16 years he doesn't leave his shoes and socks in the living room anymore and I consider this wonderful. He is not the neatest person in the world but really that is a minor flaw when I consider what a wonderful human being he is. I have learned to turn my head about a lot of things and pick my battles with DH and the kids. It's better to have a little messy house and peace among its inhabitants than a spotless house and five upset people.
I fully expect my DH to not clean, and am pleasantly surprised when he does pick up after himself. However, I still occasionally feel pangs of anger when he leaves a mess. Knowing he's leaving it for ME to clean up irks me on those days. Like I don't have enough to do around here without him deliberately making more work for me.
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Old 10-06-2012, 10:10 AM   #7
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Re: Frustrated with DH

dh's mom like is such a bad house keeper he must have gotten that from her. it's really frustrating because when i cook i clean as i go along. when i start a project i finish it before i stop. yesterday when i left the house there was no dishes in the sink. i came home and his mom had made 2 sinks full of dishes in the 5 hours were were gone then she went to bed i freaking hate waking up to a mess, i cant even cook in there. thankfully she's in there now washing them.

so dh will go in the kitchen while im cooking and he'll wash dishes but then it's only one dish strainer full. he doesnt just put them away and keep washing. he also doesnt wipe anything down we honestly wouldnt have that many dishes if his mother wasnt here making such a mess. i cant wait for her to move out. dh told me that washing dishes made him feel depressed? weird. he does a good job taking out the trash, lawn and caring for the kids and animals.

dh is the SAHP, i do my fair share around the house but i expect that he's going to be doing housework. with my ex i pretty much did it all and he sat on his butt the whole time, i will not be doing that again
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Old 10-06-2012, 10:16 AM   #8
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Mine rarely cleans anything. I pick up clothes off the floor (he has to walk by the laundry chute to go downstairs). He rinses his dishes but can't put them in the dishwasher even if he is the last person done & everything else is put away. He rarely cooks because he always leaves a mess & doesn't clean up, he let's it soak (gag) & waits for me to get irked by the mess. After 16 years it doesn't mad anymore, just slightly annoyed. I just walk around all the time picking up after my 3 kids & 1 hubs. He is a good man & we all have our faults. I yell too much.

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Old 10-06-2012, 10:26 AM   #9
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Re: Frustrated with DH

Yeeeeeep. My husband is the same way. He leaves everything a complete disaster, and then insults me because I don't clean it up.

I'm sorry, I have THREE children to look after, 98% of the time, by myself... I'm also 9 weeks pregnant and SO sick constantly. I work (from home) as much as I can, but even that takes a lot out of me. I am also responsible for laundry, homework, animals, getting the kids to/from school, bed time, etc. He doesn't do ANYTHING. Nothing. He'll discipline them once in a while if he feels like it... other than that, I do everything by myself.

So excuse me if I happen to not wash ALL of your work clothes and you don't have anything to wear. Get off your a$$ and do something for yourself. I take care of 4 (soon to be 5) other people by myself. Thanks.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:46 PM   #10
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So excuse me if I happen to not wash ALL of your work clothes and you don't have anything to wear. Get off your a$$ and do something for yourself. I take care of 4 (soon to be 5) other people by myself. Thanks.
Amen!! I just started this policy. If your clothes are laying all over the floor, they won't get cleaned. If they're in the hamper they will. I'm not your mother or your housekeeper! Sheesh!!

Hugs mamas, and keep up the good work!

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