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Old 10-06-2012, 03:46 PM   #1
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Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I'm just curious to know people's thoughts on this.

Lying as in; intentionally giving them a false view of something, whether by telling them something that's not true or withholding information to give a false perspective.

First question is ~ Is it possible? Second question is ~ Do you attempt to parent without lying?
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:02 PM   #2
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It's possible, but I choose not to. My kids don't need to know everything.

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Old 10-06-2012, 04:09 PM   #3
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Honestly, you can not be 100% honest in this soceity, it is a culturally excepted norm too ingrained to not continue.

Example;

How are you feeling today?

Honest answers you want to give: Not well, Bad or things are falling apart around me.

Your Answer: Fine, and you?

If your kid asked on one of those days, you know they are going to ask a 1000 questions, if you admit you are anything but fine, are you honestly going to answer truthfully, or are you going to wait, maybe talk your day over with SO and then see if your day gets better, before, blurting it all out to your 6 year old?

Death, Sex, answering embarassing personal questions about your self, your child or that stranger in public, things that are beyond their age understanding, we lie sometimes for very good reasons, sometimes just because it is the excepted norm in some cases, sometimes cause it's easier and sometimes for the wrong reasons, but we all lie to everyone, if we didn't we would come off as pretty big jerks in this society. I have seen people try it, it sucks. I accept I will lie to my kid, but try to do it for good not evil

Now to watch Liar, Liar

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Old 10-06-2012, 04:41 PM   #4
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Thanks! I'm going to quote you cause I really do think you can parent without lying so I kinda want to talk about it

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Originally Posted by Fairycat View Post
Honestly, you can not be 100% honest in this soceity, it is a culturally excepted norm too ingrained to not continue.

Example;

How are you feeling today?

Honest answers you want to give: Not well, Bad or things are falling apart around me.

Your Answer: Fine, and you? What about "Not the greatest but I'm still alive right? How are you?" If it's done with a smile does it still come off as jerk-ish? I feel better about smiling when I'm being honest that my day kinda sucks than I do when I'm saying I'm ok but I'm not. Of what if you realize that there are people far worse off than you and you're world isn't coming to an end, so although you feel crappy, you know you are still "fine"

If your kid asked on one of those days, you know they are going to ask a 1000 questions, if you admit you are anything but fine, are you honestly going to answer truthfully, or are you going to wait, maybe talk your day over with SO and then see if your day gets better, before, blurting it all out to your 6 year old?
When I am seriously having a rough day I'm honest about it with my kids. I'll say that I'm not the happiest with DH and I'm kinda sad. Questions follow and I'll say that when you are married to someone and live with them, there are hard parts to that, and sometimes you feel bad and you have to work through it and make it better. I don't have a problem breaking that kind of stuff down into terms that the kids understand.

Death, My kids ask questions about death and I try to answer them
Sex, I'll answer their questions in simple terms, but if they keep asking I don't have a problem with them knowing about sex. I used to be uncomfortable about it, but after thinking about it... what would I tell them other than the truth? I mean, you can say it in simple terms. "mommies and daddies fit together like puzzle pieces" is something I just read on another thread. You don't have to use words like erection and orgasm
answering embarassing personal questions about your self, like what?
your child like what?
or that stranger in public, "shhh, you can ask me later. There are some things you don't talk about in public"
things that are beyond their age understanding, like what?
we lie sometimes for very good reasons, sometimes just because it is the excepted norm in some cases, sometimes cause it's easier and sometimes for the wrong reasons, but we all lie to everyone, if we didn't we would come off as pretty big jerks in this society. I have seen people try it, it sucks. I accept I will lie to my kid, but try to do it for good not evil

Now to watch Liar, Liar
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:13 PM   #5
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

It is, but I think it would be pretty hard. Especially if your considering withholding information to give a false perspective. And being that honest would take a lot of childhood away from the child. I don't straight out lie (other than Santa, Easter bunny type stuff) but I do withhold stuff. There are lot of things I don't think my 5 year needs the whole truth on.
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:26 PM   #6
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Not withholding stuff period. Just withholding things in order to give a false perpective.
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:31 PM   #7
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainandRedemption View Post
Not withholding stuff period. Just withholding things in order to give a false perpective.
Can you give an example of what are we talking about here? Santa Claus, tooth fairy kind of stuff or neighbors dog gets run over and you say something like he found a new home.
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:35 PM   #8
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

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Originally Posted by rumblepurr View Post
Can you give an example of what are we talking about here? Santa Claus, tooth fairy kind of stuff or neighbors dog gets run over and you say something like he found a new home.
I too am curious what you're referring to. Once I know what we're talking about here, I will answer lol
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:34 PM   #9
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainandRedemption View Post
Not withholding stuff period. Just withholding things in order to give a false perpective.
I got that, but you do withhold period to give a false perspective. If that wasn't the point than you wouldn't withhold.
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Old 10-06-2012, 04:50 PM   #10
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rumblepurr View Post
Can you give an example of what are we talking about here? Santa Claus, tooth fairy kind of stuff or neighbors dog gets run over and you say something like he found a new home.
Well both. The first you are giving information which isn't true, the second you are saying something that's true in a sense but it leaves the child thinking that the dog is alive somewhere else.

The reason I'm asking is because someone said on a thread earlier that you can NOT parent without lying and I just don't think that's true. So what I'm asking is can you parent in a way that, to your knowledge and ability to be aware of, does not convery false things to your kids? Is it possible to be honest with your kids all the time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedaisyma View Post
it's possible. i don't lie to my kids ever or withhold info to give a false perspective. saying, "i'm not comfortable discussing that right now" is the truth
Right. Or you can flat out say "I'm just not going to talk about this right now." I honestly can't think of a topic that I don't feel like I can discuss with my kids... but when something comes up that I cant think of how to address it at the time I'll tell them that I don't want to talk about it now but I will later

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Originally Posted by jbug_4 View Post
I got that, but you do withhold period to give a false perspective. If that wasn't the point than you wouldn't withhold.
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I don't know if I agree with that. You can give enough truthful information to satisfy the curiosity without telling them everything you know on the topic.
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